Comments on: Am I Happy or am I Joyful?

By: Corrie

Corrie — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:43:08 +0000

What an excellent post. Thank you. It was very helpful.

By: mongoose

mongoose — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:59:39 +0000

hey chewy,
that was beautifully written and expressed. i’m sorry it is a season of grief.
and you are such a fun blogger, doesn’t at all seem like all suffering.
have a ball on the cruiso!

By: chewymom

chewymom — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 13:15:53 +0000

Oh Jan, I thought of you and Glenn when I wrote this. That many losses within a few weeks of each other is overwhelming. It’s one thing to adjust to one loss at a time, but to work through all three at once must be so very hard.

By: Jan

Jan — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 04:20:38 +0000

For me, losing Dean was the culmination of all of the other losses (our fathers, Mrs. Hazel). We couldn’t even catch our breath as we went from one deathbed to another. I can’t go to the cemetery and visit my dad’s grave without looking over at Dean’s and vice versa. Right now,everything that I see or hear reminds me of someone and then reminds me that their place (at my table, in my home, etc.) is empty. I stop and remind myself that my time here on the earth will probably be much shorter than I can imagine - and that I’m the one still suffering - suffering the loss of their presence in my life. It’s been a rough week for me, too. I know that I’m lousy company - so I try to spare people the discomfort of being around me. I miss Dean’s great sense of humor, I miss Glenn’s dad’s quirkiness, I miss my dad answering the phone and telling me that he loves me before he passes the phone to my mother.
I think I’ll miss all of these things until I see the three of them in person again.

By: chewymom

chewymom — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 23:24:19 +0000

Jana B, Thank you for your kind words. You are an amazing woman, and it sounds like you have had to learn much of that on your own. I hope you aren’t too dizzy from the head-spinning!

Mama Grizzly, Oh {{hugs}} to you, too. Isn’t it hard to lose your parents so young? Some of my kids will remember my parents, but others will not at all. That is sad to me as well. I try to keep them alive by talking about them a lot and remind my kids how very much their Memaw and Bone loved them.

Skerrib, Thank you. I feel like lately I’ve worked out a lot of angst on my blog, but I’m glad it doesn’t remain too heavy or dreary.

Kathy, Thank you. Yeah, there are definitely waves, and it has really hit me hard this week–not sure why. I know that Jesus is holding me and loving me, and I have felt His presence in such a real and deep way. Such a paradox–the sadness is so deep, but the joy and comfort and peace is soooo good.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:03:15 +0000

This was very beautiful, a post to mark and return to. I send my sympathy as you make your way through this sad time of loss. I know that grief can come in waves and sometimes those waves can knock your feet out from under you. And then at other times you know He’s there, undergirding it all. I’m thankful you have that sense of His love and comfort.

By: Skerrib

Skerrib — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:16:12 +0000

Hmmmm…I’ve never gathered “suffering Chewymom” from your blog. More like “real, honest human being,” which I always appreciate, since so many people are trying desperately to pull off “happy, cheerful all the time, rainbow butterflies.”

Great contrast between the inside and the outside. I’ve been there–in that tension between the good and the bad of things. Totally different circumstances (that’s a lotta death to endure), but still the same tension.

By: Mama Grizzly

Mama Grizzly — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:09:05 +0000

I wish that I could reach through the computer and give you a hug - we have so much in common - I lost both of my parents within 3 years - I just lost my Dad in October - and I’m also 41. It’s hard - it hurts - it REALLY hurts - and sometimes the hardest part is that I don’t really have anyone that I can “relate” to with the hurting. And the part that hurts the most is my children are 4 and 2 and will never know my parents. But, it IS at times like this that I honestly feel like God is carrying me through. (((((HUGS)))))

By: Jana B.

Jana B. — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:05:32 +0000

Chewymom, this post made my heart ache to the point of physically hurting. But at the same time, I am so thankful that I can read what a beautiful, loving, articulate friend wrote from deep down in her soul. This writing will stick with me for a long time. I have a mother who is 88 years old. We have never been close and she has never shown Christ’s love to me. I know that sounds brutal but it’s true. I had to find it years later. She was not the kind of mother who would laugh with me. So I grieve that she is still alive and still miserable. I got off the track and rambled like I usually do. Your post is going to have my head spinning all day :>)