Arbonne, You’re Ticking Me Off
Do you remember a while back when I posted about the conversation I overheard about people with unpainted toenails? Well, apparently feet are more than a tiny obsession in our town. Maybe this is everyone’s opinion in the good ole USA, or maybe it’s a southern thing. If either of those is true, I’ve been ignorant for my whole life.
I just got this email from an Arbonne consultant, and frankly it made me really mad. If you’re a rich, white, small-town southern girl, maybe it is true that your toes are that important. Maybe. Most people have more to do in their lives than to study people’s toes and feet though. And I can tell you right here and now that for the poor in our community, having sandals that are neither too big or too small, having painted toenails that are completely unchipped, and having a hairless big toe are the least of their concerns.
To me, this email smacks of arrogance and snobbery, and it makes me just plain mad. And more resolved than ever to never pursue the white Mercedes that Arbonne dangles in front of the aspiring upper-middle class ladies it pursues to become consultants.
Is this kind of stuff a concern where you live? Big toes, painted nails, and the newness of your sandals?
Here’s the email:
Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won’t wear pantyhose, even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather, I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99, even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise that if I wear flip flops, I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to use my Arbonne salt scrub and a pumice file at least once a week to keep my feet babies butt smooth.
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear… nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I thought it was cute, although I disagree that nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals. I can think of at least a dozen things that are tackier without even trying.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Well, I guess I don’t get to be in the Cute Girl Sisterhood. (Should I even want to? I stopped being a girl about 37 years ago…)
As usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short: Yesterday was “Blogger Appreciation Day,” or so I was told. My intention was to comment at each blog on my Bloglines subscription, but you know where the road paved with good intentions leads…
So here’s a note to let you know that I appreciate you and your writing, Chewymom. Thanks for blogging.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am
P.S. I really like your new look.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I have been lurking for years but this inspired me to finally comment. (BTW, we are friends with Fat Triplet3 and family from their Atlanta days but I digress…) Is there any possible way this was written tongue-in-cheek? I think I already know the answer to that but if these people have nothing better to do, I would be glad to submit a list.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Maybe it’s just your town. As you know, I, too, am a born-and-bred Southern girl, and I’ve yet to be chased down by someone brandishing a pumice stone or a bottle of Pucker Up Red nail polish. In fact, the only person who ever said anything about my feet looking disgusting was ME. And, my apologies to Arbonne, but your blog was the first time I’ve ever even heard of their company. Anyhoo, their email didn’t make me mad–like Chef, I read it as being somewhat tongue-in-cheek even if that wasn’t what they intended.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
You know, y’all are probably right that whoever wrote this did it very much tongue-in-cheek. And back when I lived in Atlanta, I probably would have just laughed at it! But I have seriously run across this attitude here, and it absolutely drives me nuts! Not only the fact that people have this attitude, but they assume that everyone shares it. And I assure you, everyone does not. Not even here!
April 15th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I have no doubt that the irony is lost on the vast majority of the audience for the email and that attitude would (and does when I run across it) make me crazy. We could just pick apart the grammar and word usage…
April 15th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Amen Chef. I lost all interest in reading it after the split infinitive. Splitting infinitives is, in my world, far worse than not painting toenails.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I didn’t know what a split infinitive was, so I just looked it up…I guess I am of the pro-split-infinitive camp. I (usually) like how they sound.
As for Arbonne…they can suck my big toe. Wait–no, I changed my mind. Arbonne can just stay far away from me. I wear Birkenstocks, anyway…
April 16th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Funny coming from Arbonne since they are such an “all natural” product company. I would think they are against nail polish. : )
I haven’t visited in a bit and I miss you Karen! HUGS
April 16th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I love split infinitives. It’s a reminder that our language is not Latin and should not be made to behave like Latin just because some time in the past Latin was the power language and English just some peasant backwater jargon trying to get spiffed up.
(I.e. you can’t split an infinitive in Latin because it’s all one word. But it’s two words in English, so split away.)
(Just use its and it’s correctly and you won’t bother me too much. We all have our grammar peeves, I guess.)
April 16th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Marcy–exactly, that’s what I learned! What did we ever DO without the internet…
April 16th, 2008 at 11:23 am
It’s really dumb, but I know that people here in our sweet home state do judge people based on their hair, make-up, shoes, feet in sandals, etc. More than in other places! But, that doesn’t make me behave any differently.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Brace yourselves… I am contemplating doing without the razor this year. Ithaca (where we used to live) would have been the better place to try it (vs. Indiana), but I’m just tired of shaving and caring whether my legs are smooth or not. So far I’ve been to the school pool twice without incident.
Ask me if I’ve ever painted my toenails. Maybe I clip them once in a while.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Can you do some sort of European accent? If you can pull that off, you’ll have no trouble.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I wish… all my accents sound the same after a few seconds. I mentioned my razorless aspirations to husband this evening, though, and his look of stark terror, I mean mild embarrassment, is nixing the idea. Oh well.
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:53 am
[...] inspired by this post at [...]
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I live in Texas and this is a delicate subject where I’m from. After growing up in Alaska and being acclimated to the winters (where everyone stays covered up), it was difficult to get used to all the shaving and grooming that living in the South seems to require.
While no one has ever dared send me a message like the one your Arbonne lady did (I don’t know anyone who would actually judge me for those issues), I am aware of them myself. In the summer months, I work harder to make my feet look pretty because my husband appreciates it and comments frequently on how pretty my feet are. I suspect that if he didn’t care, neither would I.
Hope that answers your question!
May 3rd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I came from Lifenut’s link.
Do we seriously have to worry now if our FEET look pudgy? That’s just creepy.
And I have never understood sanding feet to be smooth. A callus is one of the body’s defenses against injury. Next thing they’ll be telling us bike helmets are unladylike.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I take offense at the implication that long toed women should not wear sandals. WHO is that person to make that judgement? Also, the hose - I wear hose with slacks and sandals and will continue to do so. Arbonne lady needs to get a grip!
When my husband tells me something doesn’t look good, I then might listen, but never to Arbonne lady or anyone else making fun of my feet.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
(Here from Lifenut) Ok I’m cracking up now. Never heard of Arbonne. I wonder, am I allowed to wear cute sandals, given me by a friend, that are too big? My feet don’t pudge or hang over the edge, but the sandals do flop a bit even though they are heels. I think I’m pulling it off, but what if I’m wrong?? Help! Dare I leave the house?
And I agree with the others–split infinitives if you must, but don’t misuse apostrophes.
March 21st, 2009 at 9:28 am
So somebody found out about this finally. Nice to see that.