Are We Just Too Emotional?
Have you ever heard the argument that the reason God wants women to submit and men to lead is because women are just too emotional? I hear that all the time. We would never get a thing done, because we’d be getting all weepy and trying to please everyone and such.
As though emotions are a bad thing.
Why are we so afraid of emotions? Jesus showed emotions! He became angry and overturned the tables in the temple. He wept when Lazarus died. Scripture is full of metaphors about God that involve emotion. In fact, Scripture is full of metaphors about God as a woman, but let’s not go there.
I think we fear emotions because often we cannot control them. They come upon us and wash over us! Sure, we might be able to choke back tears, or clench our jaw and count to 10 and keep the expression of our emotions in check. But underneath it all, we still feel. Now logic–there’s something we can control! We can mull it over in our mind, think it through, and decide which way we want to act or believe. Logic and thought are safe. Beware of those dangerous emotions!
If women’s emotionalism is the reason God doesn’t put them in leadership, what does he do with a couple like me and Chewydad? He is the feeler, I am the thinker. As evidenced by this picture of us, walking up the aisle just after we said, “I do.” Who’s crying??
Does the fact that Chewydad is emotional and I’m not mean that it is okay for our family to be lead by emotions? Does that mean I need to take over the lead? Does it mean that he could never serve as a church officer? Does that make me qualified?
I think we tread on dangerous ground when we disparage a human quality. God has created us! Not only did he create all humans to have emotions, but he knit each of us together in our mother’s wombs! He made some of us to feel more deeply. He allowed for variation among us–no two are alike. Not even identical triplets, like Chewydad and his brothers! They are so very different. We do not need to fear emotions. And women, we do not need to put ourselves down because in general we are more emotional than men. That is a gift! Our emotions often show the tender heart of God. Our nurturing is an image of the way God nurtures us. We are image bearers just like men! Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel “less than” because of your gender.
For more reading on the subject of women’s emotions, read Molly’s post here.
February 22nd, 2008 at 12:54 pm
That, and… since when is thought and logic and rationality infallible? The mind is subject to the biology, and both are living in a fallen world.
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
GREAT post. Fact is, men and women are BOTH emotional, and that’s not a bad thing. A married couple balances eachother out, and that is a GOOD thing. But when we tell women that they’re the emotional ones and can’t be trusted to think straight, we set them up for a life of not trusting themselves, and we set men up for a life of trusting themselves TOO much.
The whole thing is just so much bunk. What’s hard to believe is how purvasive it is.
Love your thoughts on not being afraid of emotions. I’m really working on that with my kids, having formerly been an “anti-negative-emotions” parent, and then realizing that being sad and/or mad is NOT a bad thing but a HEALTHY thing. The key is just learning how to be sad and/or mad without ruining everyone else’s day.
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
PS. I love the new blog look, btw! Did you download it, and if so, and you have time SOME DAY…can you show me how to do that (you’re on WP, right)? I’ve tried a few different times, and I can’t do it…
February 22nd, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Emotions are a wonderful thing. In Jonathan Edward’s _Religious Affections_ (in my opinion a great work that people do well to read) he demonstrates the necessity of God affecting the emotions. My experience with God is extremely and vitally emotional. If anyone uses emotional tendencies as justification for God’s design for role relationships, it would appear that they do so without biblical warrant. Where is the text?
February 25th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Did I miss something? WHO said that the reason that we are to submit to our husbands and the elders of the church (all men) is because they’re more logical than us? Any of us can offer an opinion on why God says what He does - but apart from scripture (that is not fallible), our opinions are most certainly fallible. MY opinion (for what it’s worth - and that would be a big, fat ZERO) is that God tells us to do these things because it’s the LAST thing we are inclined to do naturally. Right up there with forgiving 7 times 70. But what do I know?
February 25th, 2008 at 12:20 am
This was a great post! I’m running short of time, so I basically want to say “ditto” to everything Molly said (except the stuff about raising kids — I don’t have any kids yet).
February 25th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Marcy, Yep! The whole self is fallible, something I think we can forget, especially if we tend to be thinkers.
Molly, Amen on all that! As to the blog look, I have to give full credit to my hubby. I’m clueless.
Brian and Jan, This charge is not one where someone was trying to justify their views biblically. It was said by a woman during a Sunday school class on marriage, and the whole room nodded in agreement and continued to make snide remarks about women and their emotions. It is about the third time I have heard this position stated by someone in my current church, having also heard it at womens’ Bible study. Not once have I heard someone stand up and say, “This is WRONG!” Myself included. Everyone just gets a big ole guffaw and moves on.
Cahleen, Thank you!
February 25th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Good to call everyone on it then!
February 26th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
The only reason the men are the head of the household is that God had to pick someone - I can’t think of a single definitive statement in scripture where God says that women are too emotional…
I do know, however, that both men and women are made in the image of God, neither one complete without the other. I do know that Jesus wept at the death of His friend, Lazarus - does that public display of emotion disqualify Him from leadership?
If it were not for God’s overwhelming love for us, Jesus would not have died for us. If not for His mercy and grace, we would still be dead in our sins. There is no logical reason why God would want to reach out to men who rejected Him and rebeled against Him - it is all based on His love - and that’s an emotion I am sincerely grateful for!