Comments on: But Chewymom treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

By: keely

keely — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 13:52:04 +0000

Where have you gone, Chewymom? As a mother to a special needs child, I love your insight (and the honest hope) that it brings to me as I brave raising my daughter in an often-painful world.

I miss your posts.

By: Jana B.

Jana B. — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:02:22 +0000

I’m ashamed to say I haven’t been reading blogs this summer. My husband read this one and we are both boiling! I am gauled by the whole situation. But I’m not surprised that whichever man it was, didn’t address you. We have been out of that church for several years and will never go back. I have never felt so small and belittled as I did there. We don’t attend church right now. My husband and I pray at home and have our own “church”. I am so glad you left. Jana B.

By: Susu

Susu — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 22:33:21 +0000

Hey Aunt Chewymom
I totally see what you’re saying. It’s one of those subjects that are important but nobody wants to hear about.. I guess you could call it taboo. I’ve had struggles before with my church but instead of it being women it’s youth. I feel like so often opinions, frustrations, and personal convictions of our youth were overlooked just because we are under 18.
But I’m off subject. I was going to suggest a book to you. I’m currently reading this book called Captivating By John and Stasi Eldridge. It’s been life-changing. I read a chapter today that just made me burst into tears. God is really teaching me a lot about myslef as a woman. You should really check it out!

By: Light

Light — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:51:00 +0000

We are also PCA, and I know exactly how you feel. I’ve seen all the things you have seen, felt all the things you feel, and as an egalitarian … we’ve actually chosen to stay for the time being. However, my gifts are not used in the (local PCA) church, because they seem to have no use for them coming from a female. They have chosen to be handicapped by tying one hand of the Body behind its back. Fortunately, in God’s great economy, nothing goes to waste, and I serve elsewhere where my gifts are appreciated without respect to gender. We’ve chosen to stay because despite the position on women, it is for the most part a loving, gracious church. My pastor is somewhat emergent (no doubt Tim Bayly would be frothing at the mouth if he heard him talk about “The Shack”) and that gives me hope that God may do a work in the hearts of the leadership at my church.

@Tim Keller: I must echo Chewymom’s comments. The problem IS systemic. Progressive churches like yours are an encouragement, and I, too, wouldn’t hesitate to worship at your church, but then all your good work is undone by the PCA’s embarrassment of the likes of Tim and David Bayly.

When our children are grown a few short years from now and we move away from this area, we will not be seeking a PCA church. And I am deeply saddened by that.

By: Audra

Audra — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:18:31 +0000

The woman at the well comes to mind. Jesus talked to her when their society forbade it. Not only was she a Samaritan, but she was a woman.

I pray your family finds the place God wants you to be at.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:48:29 +0000

Thanks for a thoughtful post and to get a comment from Tim Keller is VERY impressive. Our lives follow a similar trajectory as my husband is a graduate of RTS-Jackson many moons ago. Without boring you with all the details, we left the PCA a few years ago over many issues and the treatment of women was one of them.

Our church at that time had women serving as deacons but in order to appear to be in agreement with the Book of Church Order, they stopped short of ordaining the women for this ministry. So they called them deacons, they performed the role of deacons but did not get the official secret handshake or decoder ring in an effort to be in compliance with PCA doctrine. As a female church member and a former staff member of a different PCA church, this was highly insulting.

The inability of the PCA to even convene a study on the role of women in the church continues to be a disappointment. The recent vote by the Overtures Committee confirms to me that our decision to leave was the correct decision. I have a very full plate working in the cancer community and volunteering in our public schools in addition to being a wife and mom and did not see myself in a leadership role in the church. I just objected to the church telling me I was not worthy of doing certain things because of my gender.

I hope you and ChewyDad find some peace with your decision. We agonized over it for months but have never felt like we made the decision for the wrong reasons. (BTW, we are good Atlanta friends of Steve and Jean.) Thanks for having a respectful and honest debate on a topic that deserves it.

By: Beth

Beth — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:41:54 +0000

I just found your blog through the Facebook Ds blog group. I’ve only read your two most recent posts, but want to say Good. For. You! Keep (or start) searching for an inclusive and welcoming Christian community. There are many out there where you ALL will feel at home. I second Molly’s suggestion of replacing “women” with “racially different” or “disabled” and see how that fares with the wider community.

Also, I have a dear friend who has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome too!

I look forward to learning more about your family through your blog.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 18:31:23 +0000

love how Jesus championed women when it was not popular to do so, when not only the society but also the relegious leaders failed to do so…… have been where you have been. have sadly seen it. have wondered how these women (and their familes) have lived…… wish more would follow Jesus’ exapmle! There is such a difference among women who are championed, respected, cherished, encouraged in the body (not gender specific) and those who are ruled, confined, swept under the rug, humored. Sadly, most don’t see it. They don’t see it in their own marriages as well. I am thankful to be loved by a man who champions me and respect me as his partner (not his lesser partner either). Also thankful to go to a very out of the box pca church that champions women. From my experience, most are NOT like this. Hoping God will RADICALLY overhaul this major area in the pca.

By: Molly

Molly — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 18:49:47 +0000

With due respect to Tim, whose opinions I usually respect, I think that thinking about it as if it were a racial issue is helpful (though painful).

To me, Tim, it felt like you said something akin to, “Not all our group’s churches discriminate against blacks, so please be more careful not to say that they do.”

How much more constructive to say something along the lines of, “We are horrified that SOME of our churches do this. I’m so sorry for your pain. Thankfully, this is not true of ALL of our demonination.”

By: chewymom

chewymom — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 13:48:07 +0000

Tim,

Thank you for your comment. I wanted to clarify that I am not basing my decision to leave the PCA on my feelings over one incident. (And also that the decision to move our family of seven to another church is not just mine–my husband has been bothered by this issue longer than I have.) My husband and I have been in the PCA for 18 years, and our experience covers membership in 5 churches in 4 cities/states, in addition to 3 years of seminary after which many of the men went on to pastor PCA churches. Although I used this one incident as a catalyst for my post, and it did seem to sum up my experiences, it is unfortunately not unusual.

The problem is systemic. Your own church has deaconesses, and yet the denomination refused to even form a committee to study the issue at last year’s GA. I would love to think that the PCA is willing to look at the unhealthy way their theology of women plays out in the majority of churches, but I do not see any movement in that direction.

If I ever found myself living in NYC, I would gladly visit your church, but it would be because I believe your church is the exception in terms of the way women are viewed and treated, rather than the rule.