Chewymom

President Obama,

It must be challenging to appear on a humor-based television show. You seem to do well in those situations, but there is always the chance of saying something stupid that you will regret later. Like this:

Mr. President, you yourself are a minority. You have heard remarks that marginalized you and other black people for most of your life. Of all people, you should know how that was going to go over.

Badly.

Here are the thoughts of some of my Facebook friends who have children with disabilities.

• S is having to an advocate once again for my daughter and others with physical and mental disabilities! Shame on you, Obama!
• I can’t believe he really said that…maybe it’s time to stop trying to be a superstar celeb and getcher butt back to the White House!
• When I heard that he said that, my heart sank. My son is 21, has special needs, was in the Special Olympics and now volunteers for the Special Olympics, and he proudly voted for Obama. I think Obama is a wonderful person and will be a great president, but he said something stupid and needs to apologize. I’m sure if he had a child with special needs he would be more sensitive to this issue, but that’s not an excuse. He needs to apologize and learn from this mistake.
• President Obama perpetuated a stereotype that Special Olympians are not real athletes or are lesser athletes. In the meantime, there is a Special Olympian here in the Detroit area who has bowled at least three perfect games.
• Disability slurs are so acceptable it didn’t even hit the radar of anyone except parents like us. And if we speak out about we will be told we are being too sensitive, too PC, he really didn’t mean it that way. Which…. I bet he didn’t. That’s the really dangerous part…. it’s so acceptable and people with disabilites are so marginalized, even slurs about them don’t mean anything.
• I can’t believe Obama just said that. He may be a financial advocate for our kids, but he has to learn now that it is MUCH MIUCH more than that! Damn it. WHY is it still okay to publicly demoralize our kids? Here’s the thing, I used to do it too, but then you learn the hurt it inflicts and you stop saying it you know? So waiting for the apology from HIM, not his office.

That’s just a sampling.

While we are on the topic of Special Olympics, let me tell you about my son who is a Special Olympics athlete. This would be the son, by the way, who turned 18 just days before the election and made sure he registered to vote so he could cast his vote for YOU! He recently swam in a local meet and came in under two minutes on the 100 IM. Now, that’s a time that most “regular” athletes could beat, but most regular people who are not on a swim team might not. Many cannot even swim the butterfly stroke. The effort he has put into training and competing is more than many other high school seniors who are not involved in any sport at all. He works hard, he stays in shape, and he deserves to be respected for doing his personal best and for getting out there and working toward an athletic goal. Your comments show a lack of respect for him and others with disabilities.

The thing is, Mr. President, many, many of us within the disability community supported you in your run for office. We believe you to be an advocate for our children. And I truly think you said this without thinking.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I hate the “R” word. I cringe when I hear it. Depending on the situation, sometimes I correct and educate the person gently, and sometimes I let it go. But truthfully, the “R” word enters my head…STILL! My son is 18, and I can’t tell you how many times I think the “R” word, but I somehow block it from escaping my lips.

Which is surprising considering how many things DO escape my lips.

But which is something I hope you will practice doing as well - not just with that word, but with any kind of slur which might be hurtful to a minority group.

Whether this was a stupid mistake - one of those foot-in-the-mouth moments that you just wish had never happened, or something you read from a teleprompter, or something you thought was funny at the time but hopefully now realize how hurtful it actually was, I would like to hear you apologize. Not your staff, not the media putting a spin on it, not someone saying, “He regrets it, but…” with a host of excuses. Just you. Saying you are sorry. The same kind of apology you would want if someone uttered a racial slur in front of you.

Thank you.

Back in 1870, the 15th Amendment was added to the Constitution, allowing black people the right to vote. However, if you were unfortunate enough to live in my state of Alabama, the reality is that you could not vote until 1965, when the Voting Rights Act was passed. That’s one year before I was born. Check out this voter application that had to be filled out prior to 1965. And parts B and C of the Literacy Test.

I don’t think any of us white people can comprehend what this election means to black people. We have no clue how it feels to be a black or bi-racial child, growing up in America. Watch this video clip from the Ron Clark Academy and just hear the emotion in these children’s voices. Like Barack Obama or hate him, what he has done and is doing for the young black population is absolutely amazing. I am so thankful to be part of this generation so that I could see this happen in my lifetime.

HT to Nicole.

I have spent the last 18 years fighting. You parents who have a child with special needs of any kind are nodding your heads. You know what I mean. I have fought to have Brig in a regular preschool. I have fought to have him promoted with his age group in Sunday school. I have fought to get him onto regular sports teams - soccer, t-ball, basketball, swim team. I have fought to have him included in regular classes, and I have fought to get him the therapies he needed.

Today, I did not have to fight at all. As an 18-year-old American citizen, he has the RIGHT to vote, and I did not have to stand up to anyone to make it happen. We filled out the paperwork a few weeks ago and dropped it off, and today Chewydad drove him up to the polling place before school. Brig had the privilege of standing in a long line for almost an hour and then taking a pen and connecting the arrow for the candidate of his choice.

I won’t tell you to “vote Biblically” as I have seen people post on Facebook, with the obvious wink-wink, nod-nod, we-all-know-what-that-means mentality. And I won’t tell you which issues you need to concern yourself with, or which candidate you should support. As intelligent people, many of whom disagree with me on issues and candidates, I trust you to follow Brig’s example and make an informed choice and take the time to stand in line and cast your vote!

But not for the reasons you may think. Most people equate the overturning of Roe v Wade with the pro-life movement. Ideally those who claim to be pro-life have the ultimate goal of seeing abortion numbers go down. The problem, as I see it, is that if Roe v Wade is overturned, it becomes a state issue. Some of us might be able to hold our heads up proudly as our own state makes abortion illegal. We could turn a blind eye as rich teenage girls are carted just across the state line to a state where abortion is legal - maybe even up to the 9th month. We could decry the morals of the poor girls who are made to carry a teen pregnancy to term. We could vote against funding programs that would help the poor, single moms, claiming it is a redistribution of wealth or that they got themselves into this mess, or they need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, or whatever. And all the while, abortion numbers would likely remain pretty close to what they are right now. But in our state they would drop, and that’s what we care about, right? Or do we care about truly reducing the number of abortions?

So why would I like to see Roe v Wade overturned? Because clearly, I don’t think it will really change the numbers that much.

Without Roe v Wade, people will be forced to vote on different issues. It would open the door for a third party, because the religious right would not fear that voting third party would put the pro-life movement in jeopardy. Christians in particular would be forced to look closely at other social issues, at economic issues, at foreign policy issues, rather than focusing on a single issue.

Roe v Wade being taken out of the picture would also force candidates to stop using the abortion issue to win votes, when they really have no intention of doing a thing about the issue once in office. Call me cynical, but I believe that is what many in the Republican party have been doing for decades. They know they cannot win votes unless they claim to be pro-life, so they do. Once in office, however, that issue is tossed aside until election time again, when it is dragged back out of the closet, dusted off, and put back on a pedestal as the KEY ISSUE. Just look at this quote from the Pro Life Alliance website:

After all, when the Supreme Court reaffirmed Roe in Planned Parenthood v. Casey in 1992, all five votes to sustain Roe were from judges nominated by Republican presidents: Blackmun (who authored Roe), Stevens, O’Connor, Kennedy and Souter.

Call me cynical, but I really think the abortion issue is simply a tool to win votes. It is not an issue that presidential candidates truly have a passion for an intend to change. It just charges up the base of support, one way or the other. And among Christians, it is an issue that many use to judge the faith of fellow believers. As I said in a previous post, a vote for Obama is a vote against Jesus, in the eyes of many.

So I would like to see this issue just go away. I want to be able to intelligently discuss politics and NOT have the abortion issue come up. I want to think that people in my town might be able to put the words “Christian” and “Chewymom” in the same sentence again. (And not a sentence that goes something like, “Chewymom likes Obama, so she is definitely not a Christian.”) I would like for Christians to feel like they have the freedom to look at other issues when they cast their vote.

I’m not holding my breath, though, because “pro-life” or not, I don’t think we will see Roe v Wade overturned any time soon, if ever. So cynical Chewymom predicts that elections will continue to be about one issue from now until the day Jesus comes.

For a truly eloquent, heartfelt post along these lines, head over to my friend Nicole’s blog and check this out.

From Huffington Post

Dear Sarah,

I hope you don’t mind if I call you Sarah. I mean no disrespect. But I keep thinking that we could so easily have met through an on-line message board and become fast friends. We are both forty-something moms of five kids, we both profess to be Christians, and some of our kids are the same age. We both have kids with Down syndrome, and get this–their names rhyme! Brig-Trig! Had we met on a message board, we would be sharing stories. I would be telling you what life is like for Brig at age 17–how he is a senior in high school, and I would be reassuring you that Trig is going to have a great life! You would be full of questions: Should you start early intervention? What kind of carriers, strollers, and shoes are best? Depending on Trig’s health, you might be asking about cardiologists and ENTs. Our on-line community would be walking with you and supporting you during your daughter’s unplanned pregnancy. We would grow close and truly care about each other, and likely exchange Christmas cards.

But here you are, thrown into the public eye as a vice-presidential candidate, and the fact is, I don’t know you. And that’s a big problem, Sarah. Why are you letting the Republicans hide you away? Why will you not allow people to get to know you? The thing is, I really don’t know a thing about you. And I do have some questions and reservations.

First, I want to know why you would choose to place your family under such scrutiny during such a vulnerable time in your daughter’s life? I cannot imagine being Bristol and having the media discussing my sex life. (And speaking of your daughter’s sex life, I would also like to know if you still support abstinence-only sex education. I’m not sure it worked out so well in your case….But that’s getting pretty personal, and like I said, I don’t really know you.) I have been a mom for almost 18 years, and time and again I have to weigh my own desires against what is best for my family. Often I come second, as I place the needs of my children above my own. That’s what parents do. Is that what you are doing? Or are you sacrificing your daughter’s privacy in order to gain power and influence?

Second, I wonder how you plan to handle things with Trig? If you are elected VP, will you personally attend his IEP meetings? Will you push for inclusion? Will you be available to work with him in between therapy sessions to build his muscle tone? I remember when Brig was a baby…now granted that was a long time ago. But we drove back and forth to the hospital for his therapies four days per week. He had occupational, physical, and speech. And on the fifth day, and early intervention specialist came to our home to work with him. It was important that I be present so I could learn how to help him outside of his therapy sessions. I’m not saying a woman can’t work and have a child with Down syndrome–it certainly can be done. But I do think certain jobs would make that very difficult, and I know many moms who have had to make a career change to accommodate their child’s therapy schedule. Can you accommodate it as vice-president? Can you as a candidate?

I want to tell you how much I applaud your decision to give birth to Trig. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Did you know that 90% of those who are given a pre-natal diagnosis of Down syndrome choose to abort? It’s a shocking number. I know that doctors do not always paint the kindest picture of life with a child with Down syndrome, but I am here to tell you that although you will face challenges and make sacrifices, Trig will change your life in amazing ways. A part of me is excited about the thought of watching Trig grow up before the nation’s eyes. But then I wonder about that as well. As I mentioned above about the IEPs–will that be typical of the experiences of “normal” parents if you are VP? What school system would say no to any of your requests? And will you want the same things so many do–inclusion? Full access to everything any other student has access to? I don’t know. And I wonder if you will make it look so easy to get what you want, that the rest of us will look like whiners when we complain about tedious IEP meetings and fighting school systems. Or will you just hire a tutor and not mess with the public education system?

Since we’re talking politics today, let me switch over to the other no-no topic of religion. I wish I understood more about what you personally believe. Do you believe that women are to submit to their husbands? I know you think women can do anything men can do. That’s a different issue. Do you submit to your husband? Is that why you copy him on government emails? Is that why he spends so much of his day, when he is not working, hanging around and sitting in on meetings, even though he is not an elected official? People complained about Hillary when she was first-lady, because they felt like she had too much influence. It seems to me that Todd has even more influence in Alaska, and I wonder what that will look like in Washington.

Last, and I know I am being cynical here, have you ever wondered why you were picked? I mean, there are so many other more qualified candidates in the Republican party. Women, even. Kay Bailey Hutchison comes to mind. Why you? You have definitely “energized the base” as so many are saying. I think it is your super-conservative Christian leanings and your living out your pro-life stance by giving birth to Trig. And honey, I applaud that. I really do. But do you ever feel like Trig is being, shall we say, used? That if you had given birth to a child with 46 chromosomes, that you would never have been given a second glance? Because I do think that. And I’m not sure I’m okay with it. Brig has brought many opportunities into my life, and it is because of him that I have done some things and met certain people. But I’m not sure if becoming VP because of a child with Down syndrome is something I can get behind. Because I think there are others who would be better-suited to take over should the unthinkable happen to Mr. McCain as president.

I guess it comes down to this, Sarah. I think you and I could really like each other as people. I truly wish we had met on a message board for people who love someone with an extra chromosome. If you read this and click in my side-bar, it will take you to a wonderful online community should you need that support. Because I don’t care who you are or what office you hold, everyone needs support! But honestly, unless I vote only based on our similarities–our age, lots of kids, a child with an extra chromosome or our v@ginas– I just cannot cast my ballot for you at this point. I will be watching the debate to see if you can change my opinion, but at this point it is doubtful.

Respectfully yours,

Chewymom

I think my timing in posting this is impeccable. Today is mine and Chewydad’s 20th anniversary, and tomorrow we head out of town for a five-day trip! We have NEVER done anything like this, and I am SOOOO excited! If you think of it, pray for my in-laws who are going to be holding down the fort in our absence.

So, anyway…here’s my can of worms. The pro-life issue.

Since 1984, the first election when I could vote, I was pro-life. I voted for the Republican candidate because abortion was heinous, and I could not fathom voting for a candidate who did not understand that life begins at conception, and who was willing to stand up for those unborn babies.

My passion for life has not dwindled over the years. But my political views have. I am no longer a single-party or single-issue voter.

First of all, I have lost faith that the supposedly pro-life party is really doing anything to affect change. Have they overturned Roe v Wade? And do they really want to? The cynical me says no way. If they actually DID anything to turn back Roe v Wade, what issue would keep the pro-life crowd in their camp?

And here’s the thing. Part of my passion for unborn life stems from the fact that I have a son with Down syndrome. Nine out of ten prenatally diagnosed babies with Down syndrome are aborted. How I wish that weren’t the case!! Do you know how awesome it would be for my son to see that many more familiar faces in his life? My child stands out as being that much more different than the general population because such a high percentage are never even given the chance to live!

Let’s suppose for a moment that Republicans are able to change our abortion policies. You know there would be all kinds of clauses–except in the case of rape or incest; unless the life of the mother is in danger; unless the health of the mother (including mental health) is in danger. Folks, NO change is going to be made that requires anyone to bring an “abnormal” fetus into the world. It just isn’t going to happen unless America becomes a theocracy and goes back to Old Testament laws, which I don’t see happening any time soon.

So what does it mean to be pro-life? How can we see to it that abortion numbers drop? When there are adoption incentives in place, abortion might go down. When there are programs to help unwed mothers, abortion might go down. When there are programs that help those born with disabilities, and when there are good education laws in place for them, abortion might go down. When there is sex education, abortion might go down. Yeah, we might appear to condone promiscuity, but if we are really passionate about life, which is the lesser of the two evils? Frankly, I would rather have my child taught about birth control options than to have him slip up and cause a girl to become pregnant. My goal is to teach my children that I do not condone pre-maritial sex. That my goal and desire is that they would save themselves for their marriage partner. But if they choose to go against my counsel, I want them to be protected. Y’all, the older my children get, the more I realize that I can only teach them my values and views. I cannot force them to hold the same opinions. That is the beauty of them being people and not robots. It is the same freedom God gives them, frankly. God tells them what He wants for them, but then allows them to make the choice about their sexual activity. How can I do any differently?

So if my main goal is to lower the number of abortions, in terms of political elections, I need to look at what each party and candidate might do that will, in reality, bring down the number of abortions. What will be put in place, or enforced, that will motivate people to either prevent unwanted pregnancies, or that will encourage people to carry a baby to term? If a frightened woman knows that she and her child will make it, that they will be supported by their freinds, their community, and even their government, she might be more inclined to bring the baby into the world.

I have heard the arguments that this is not the job of the government, it is the job of churches. Well, folks, what exactly is your church doing to help? Besides preaching on the evils of abortion. How is your church supporting unwed mothers? How are they helping those with a disabled child? Do these types of “broken” families feel welcome in your church?

On a personal level, I am often unsure what I can do that will really help. So my tactic is this - I make myself available to mothers who receive a prenatal diagnosis that they do not want to hear. It is not grandiose, it is not an obvious or attention-grabbing way to be pro-life. And yet, it is using my life’s experience to one-by-one try to bring down the abortion rate. Maybe your personal calling is something different - adoption, foster care, counseling. But I would encourage anyone who uses the label “pro-life” to define himself to examine that and see what effect you are truly having that is pro-life. Because if all you do is go to the voting booth every few years and punch the Republican ticket, you are really not having a pro-life effect.

For me, the pro-life issue is personal. It comes down to what am I doing to make a difference. I will not be bought by a party line, and I refuse to be swayed by smooth-talkers who use the term “pro-life” while not supporting life outside the womb.

I encourage comments, but after tomorrow I will not be available to moderate new comments or to respond. Which may not be all bad.

So I’m closing this can of worms and ducking and running all the way out of town…..

If you want to read a really eloquent post by a Christian mother about her views on the pro-life/pro-choice issue, I would encourage you to check out Nicole’s blog.

Here’s a thought I was mulling over this morning. Is it possible that because abortion is legal in our country, it allows for a greater testimony of God’s goodness and grace when a person chooses life?

I know a young girl who has learned that she is pregnant. I was thinking about the agony of discovering her pregnancy. And then the fear she must have felt in telling her parents. I know of the distress they felt, wondering even if her father might lose his job, because he is in Christian ministry. (He didn’t.) At so many turns, it must have been tempting to let her mind turn to the “what if” of abortion. Or maybe even the “if only.” What would her life be like if she just quietly aborted the baby and never told anyone?

In so many ways this girl’s life has changed. She gave up life in a college town to move home and go to a community college. Not only that, but she will continue her classes this year, and then she will take a break for at least a semester, and maybe for an entire year. Eventually she plans to go back to school locally and get her degree while her parents help her raise her child. She is not planning to marry the father right away–she is a believer, he is not. She will be a single mom at least for the short-term, and possibly forever. Gone are her dreams of being a collegiate girl, of getting the degree she planned in four years, of finding a mate, enjoying time getting to know him before kids, and then settling down and starting a family. Her life is turned upside-down. Dreams are dashed. If she aborted, life could go on as planned. But she has chosen life.

As her life progresses, she has a testimony. She will be able to tell women who follow after her that even though she could have aborted and had an easier life for herself, she made a choice. She kept a baby who rocked her world and turned things upside down. She chose a hard path. And even if that path proves difficult over and over and over again, there is a little soul who can live and love and learn of Jesus. She will have a story to tell others.

If this girl lived in a country where abortion was illegal, she would never have made a choice. There would have been no choice to make. Her story would simply be, “I had the baby because I had no choice. I had to.” Granted she could choose adoption, but still. The testimony of her journey, of her making the difficult decision would be gone.

There is beauty in having a choice. There is risk, yes. Think of what God risked by allowing Eve to make a choice. Why did he allow there to be tempting fruit in the first place? Without that fruit, without that decision on the part of Eve, we would never know badness and sin and evil. And yet, without knowing sin, would we really know God, completely and fully? Could we get the goodness of God without knowing our own badness?

And in the same way, could we know the goodness of choosing life if we never knew the badness of choosing abortion? Would the sacrifice have meaning if there was no other option?

I found this article by Frank Schaeffer in the Huffington Post Online.

I am an Obama supporter. I am also pro-life. In fact, without my family’s involvement in the pro-life movement it would not exist as we know it. Evangelicals weren’t politicized until after my late father and evangelical leader Francis Schaeffer, Dr. Koop (Reagan’s soon-to-be Surgeon General) and I stirred them up over the issue of abortion in the mid-1970s. Our Whatever Happened to the Human Race? book, movie series and seminars brought the evangelicals into the pro-life movement.

(Dad’s political influence persists. Last week one of my father’s followers — Mike Huckabee — was interviewed by Katie Couric, along with all the other presidential candidates. Couric asked the candidates if they were to be sent to a desert island and could only take one book besides the Bible, what would that that book be? Huckabee answered that he’d take my father’s book Whatever Happened To The Human Race?)

Fast forward…

In 2000, we elected a president who claimed he believed God created the earth and who, as president, put car manufacturers and oil company’s interests ahead of caring for that creation. We elected a pro-life Republican Congress that did nothing to actually care for pregnant women and babies. And they took their sincere evangelical followers for granted, and played them for suckers.

The so-called evangelical leadership — Dobson, Robertson et al. also played the pro-life community for suckers. While thousands of men and women in the crisis pregnancy movement gave of themselves to help women and babies, their evangelical “leaders” did little more than cash in on fundraising opportunities and represent themselves as power-brokers to the craven politicians willing to kowtow to them.

Fast forward…

Today when I listen to Obama speak (and to his remarkable wife, Michelle) what I hear is a world view that actually nurtures life. Obama is trying to lead this country to a place where the intrinsic worth of each individual is celebrated. A leader who believes in hope, the future, trying to save our planet and providing a just and good life for everyone is someone who is actually pro-life.

Conversely the “pro-life” ethic of George W. Bush manifested itself in a series of squandered opportunities to call us to our better natures. After 9/11, Bush told most Americans to go shopping while saddling the few who volunteered for military service with endless tours of duty (something I know a little about since my son was a Marine and deployed several times). The Bush doctrine of life was expressed by starting an unnecessary war in Iraq that has killed thousands of Americans and wounded tens of thousands more.

The society that Obama is calling us to sacrifice for is a place wherein life would be valued not just talked about. As he said in his speech delivered on February 6 in New Orleans, “Too often, we lose our sense of common destiny; that understanding that we are all tied together; that when a woman has less than nothing in this country, that makes us all poorer.” Obama was talking about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, but his words also apply to our overall view of ourselves.

Regardless of the official position of the Supreme Court on abortion, a country in which all Americans are offered some sort of dignity and hopeful future would be a place conducive to the kind of optimism each of us must hold in our hearts if we are to welcome children into this world. But if our highest aspiration is to be a consumer with no thought or care for our neighbor, we will remain a culture in which abortion is not only inevitable but logical.

What we need in America is a spiritual rebirth, a turning away from the false value of consumerism and utilitarianism that have trumped every aspect of human life. To implement this vision we need leaders that inspire but to do so they have to be what they say they are. It’s not about policy it’s about character.

Obama’s rivals for the nomination — the Clintons — do not inspire. When the Clintons were in the White House they talked about humane values while Bill Clinton betrayed every single person who voted for him by carrying on an unseemly sexual dalliance in the Oval Office with a young woman barely out of her teens. Since that time the Clintons have enriched themselves through their connections to a point where they’re able to make a $5 million personal loan to their campaign.

For someone who says she has spent “the last 35 years of my life as an advocate for children” and/or “fighting for healthcare” that’s a lot of money to have collected through doing good works. Presidential Mother Teresa wannabes shouldn’t be doing deals with uranium mining outfits in Kazakhstan while schmoozing with the likes of President Nursultan Nazarbayev and wealthy mining magnates — not if they want the moral authority to lead.

Similarly the Republicans have also been hypocrites while talking big, for instance about their pro-life ethic. But what have they achieved? First, through their puritanical war on sex education they’ve hindered our country from actually preventing unwanted pregnancy. Second, through the Republican Party’s marriage to the greediest and most polluting earth-destroying corporations they’ve created a climate (both moral and physical) that has scorched the earth for-profit, with no regard to future generations whatsoever. The Republicans are to the pro-life movement what the Clintons are to selfless public service.

The real solution to abortion is to change the heart of America, not the law. We need to stop seeing ourselves as consumers. We need to stop seeing ourselves as me and begin to think of we. Our country needs someone to show us a better way, a president who is what he seems, someone with actual moral authority that our diverse population can believe in who has the qualities that make us want to follow him. Obama is that person.

Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of “CRAZY FOR GOD — How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back”

This is just a friendly PSA, reminding you to vote today!

And may I just ask, is everyone as excited as I am about this election? I can’t wait to watch the returns tonight. My dad would be so proud–he was a Political Science professor who lectured me on politics until my eyeballs rolled back in my head and I fell out of my chair in a dead faint. I truly hated all things politics. I think Dad would be so intrigued by this election, and so happy to share that with a conscious daughter who was not up to her usual drama for a change.