Chewymom

Barbara at Mommy Life had a question from a mom who is an introvert and is wondering if she should consider having a large family. I replied in her comment section, and I decided that I was long-winded enough that I would just make this a post on my own blog. Here is my comment from her blog:

I have been mulling this over since I read it yesterday. I am an introvert, but not extremely so. (ISFP) My DH is an extrovert–literally he did not answer a single question on the “introvert” side on the Myers-Briggs test!!! (ENFP, and extreme on every answer!)

We have five children, ranging in age from 16 down to 4, and the oldest has Down syndrome.

Before kids, I loved the idea of a large family. Kind of like how I love the idea of a big party! I can’t stand to be left out of the fun, so if there’s a gathering, I’m there! But after about an hour at a big party, I’m wiped out and ready to go home. Everything gets fuzzy and I can’t focus any more.

And I think sometimes my family is a bit like that–LOL! The early years are a blur. Honestly, I am finding the teen years to be a lot easier for my personality type. I am starting to understand why I’ve never loved those toddler years.

During the newborn days, I could snuggle with my wee one, and they took naps, which gave me little breaks. The toddler and preschool years are full of questions, pokes, demands, etc., and they just plain wear me out! Our children are in public school, so they are gone during the day. This isn’t a choice for everyone, but speaking as an introvert, this has been really good for me. I am also in school, so I’m not just at home enjoying the silence, but I have time to study and just be alone while they are at school.

And then, the older my kids get, the more I am able to enjoy meaningful, intimate conversation with them. It feels less “moblike” and more relational. There’s still the background chaos, but I get to enjoy a lot of one-on-one or “small-group” conversations, and that definitely recharges me!

Because my DH is extroverted (and very kid-like) he loves being home with them in the evening if I need to slip out or go upstairs and study or whatever. Not all husbands are like that–I feel truly blessed. And it is definitely an example of where opposites attract, and it is a good thing! My weakness is his strength.

For me, having a large family is probably more draining than I ever thought it would be, but the more my kids mature, the more I enjoy them and my family as a whole. The other thing I should say is that finding myself weak and needy and overwhelmed is not all bad. It drives me to Jesus and makes me need him more. Big problems require a big Jesus! I’m not saying all introverts should go out and have a big family just so they can need Jesus more, but if you find yourself saying, “Oh my–this isn’t quite how I imagined it would be!” Jesus can meet you there, and it is a good thing!

In my psychology class, we were given the following scenario to write about. It is a hard one, but I attempted to tackle it, and I thought I would post my essay on here:

Travis is gay. One of his classmates, who admits that he thinks that homosexuality is a sin, asked, “Why don’t you go to therapy and get over your problem?” Travis says he doesn’t have a problem. Does Travis need therapy to “get over” being gay?

This is a loaded question to try to deal with in a secular psychology class, but I want to take a stab at it for several reasons, one being to help me “think on paper” about my own views. I recognize about myself that I do not like controversy, and I tend to be “people pleaser,” so it hard to share a view that some might find disagreeable. Still, I know there are probably inconsistencies in my view, and I hope writing about it will help me think this through. I am also, as another student stated, open and interested in hearing other classmates’ views on what I wrote.

First, is homosexuality a sin? Well, yes. Don’t stop reading yet. Frankly I think that a whole lot of things are sin–most of which go on in Christian churches. And that’s okay, and even how it should be. The church is full of people who struggle with gluttony, pride, and anger. We fail to help the poor, we are not friendly toward our neighbors. We gossip, we complain, we are wasteful. We do not treat animals well. (Okay, maybe the favorite family dog–but what about how we support the cruelty of factory farming by eating regular grocery store meat?) We hate liberal politicians and do not support widows and orphans. We waste time, we demand our rights behind the wheel of a car, and we spend money on things we don’t really need. Folks, those are all sinful things.

Travis’s classmate thinks he needs therapy for being gay. I do not agree with that assessment. The American Psychological Association states that, “The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable.” It goes on to state, “Any person who enters into therapy to deal with issues of sexual orientation has a right to expect that such therapy would take place in a professionally neutral environment absent of any social bias.” While it may seem contradictory to what I stated above about sin, I think some people are born with a tendency toward a certain sexual orientation. If you look at the other things on my “sin list,” there are quite a few that people are born with a propensity toward. Heck, just think of all of the overweight people you know who say, “it’s genetic…I have big bones…my whole family struggles with their weight.” Or alcoholism–that definitely is something some people are born with the potential to struggle with.

If Travis wants to be a real friend, he needs to quit worrying about the homosexuality issue. He needs to get to know his classmate as a person. He needs to be willing to see beyond the label and understand what makes this person tick. What is his favorite color? Does he like sports, music, writing? What are his life goals and dreams? Then if Travis is really worried about this person spiritually, he needs to share his faith. Not his view of this friend’s lifestyle–but he needs to share that God is in the business of loving those who do things that are sinful. And everyone of us engages in those things each and every day. We don’t love God with our whole heart and we don’t love others as much as ourselves. If we did, we wouldn’t spend money just to pamper ourselves (because we deserve it) and we wouldn’t race that Mazda for the closest parking space or yell at the Jeep that cuts us off on the freeway. When Travis talks about sin, it does not need to be as one righteous person talking down to a sinful one. It needs to be as one who can say, “Boy, are we in the same boat. It’s a good thing God knows our hearts and loves us and wants a relationship with us!”

If Travis’s friend accepts Travis’s faith as his own, should Travis then worry about getting his friend into therapy? I’m not sure therapy is what his friend needs. Although I do not view myself as “homophobic,” this may be where others would say that I am. I do think that as with pretty much anything we do that was not happening in the Garden of Eden, we frankly need to not do it. (Did that sentence make sense??) While Travis may always have a bent toward homosexual things, I do not think it ideal that he continues to act on those. I believe that God’s design for sexual relationships is that they occur between one man and one woman. It makes sense even from a biological/evolutionary standpoint that male/female relations are the norm. Clearly the one man/one woman idea is not the norm within our society (or even within the church–just look at the many “fallen” public church leaders!). I don’t know that Travis’s friend can ever or should ever expect to “get over” his orientation. Ideally, this friend would not continue to act on his tendencies, but it would not be because he was coerced into that decision, but because his desires have changed and he no longer wants to act on them.

Hopefully Travis’s friend (and all of us) could grasp that when we live within the confines of the order God has ordained in all of life, it brings life and peace. It doesn’t mean it is easy–that we don’t strive and struggle with every fiber of our being. But there is peace. That is the message Travis should offer his friend–that he truly is a friend, that he hopes his friend will share his faith, and that there is peace and hope to be found.

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you’re the new master of logic You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

I’m glad to know that I’m not illogical!

HT to Rebecca

This was a cute little quiz, although I didn’t know how to answer half of the questions! Guess that’s why I think it is about half right! Hehe!

You Belong in Rome

You’re a big city girl with a small town heart Which is why you’re attracted to the romance of Rome Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

HT to Tulipgirl

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
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Hmmm…I started off wanting to major in psychology or religion, and then I got a “D”–my first ever–in the Intro to Psych class….Oh well. I guess my English major matches up pretty well with the Journalism part. And I’ve often said I would’ve been a better Math major than English since I’m just not “into” poetry and never got all the symbolism the professors tried to point out–just tell it to me straight! LOL!

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You’re generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you’ve been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You’re generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there’s no way you’ll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

HT to Tulipgirl

I have taken all kinds of psychology tests lately, thanks to this still relatively new world (to me) of blogging. I’ve been directed to quizzes that have told me that I’m an ISTJ, an Espresso, Yoda, Chamomile, and Japanese food. For a long time now (about 4 years) I have believed that I am an ISTJ. At the least, I am the “TJ” in that equation. I never really got what the “S” stood for, and I’m borderline I/E. In one personality test that I took (a real one, done by a psychiatrist) I tested as an EXTREME “T.”

Well, that has all changed. I took the real-deal Myers-Briggs a few weeks ago. According to it, I am an ISFP. That was news to me! I know that I have learned to be more compassionate and merciful than I ever have been in my life. But I would not describe myself as “feeler” as opposed to a “thinker.” I still believe that I make most of my decisions based on what my logical, thinking mind sees. I can see where the “P” comes from, though. Although I anally plan out my trips, my schedule, my to-do list and all, I love to be laid back about weekends, and I am a horrible procrastinator. I welcome interruptions to the mundane that is many of my days. And so, I am a “P.” An ISFP, to be exact!

I love people. I love to study them. To try to figure out what makes them tick. You’d think that tendency would make me a naturally merciful person, but no. It hasn’t. I work at mercy. And God has worked on me in that area. He has given me a son (DS15) who is shockingly sensitive to my moods and to when I need a hug, and He has put me through some hard times where I desperately needed to have others show mercy to me.

So, back to loving people. I would have majored in psychology at Furman. I really wanted to. And then I took the intro class. Made my first “D” ever. I thought my dad would kill me. I have to say, I find it very silly to have multiple choice tests for a psych class. They should’ve had us express ourselves, right?

I know psychology is a “no-no” in many Christian circles. I totally believe that the Bible is sufficient for everything we need. But I also know that there are a lot of chemists out there who truly believe the Bible in its entirety and who will tell you that they did not happen to learn their chemistry elements by studying Genesis. It isn’t that the Bible is insufficient, it just doesn’t address that particularly. Chemists can know that God is creative, orderly, sustaining, etc. They can gain that from the Bible and see those truths come alive as they study chemistry. I think psychology is similar. Christian psychologists can know that God is perfect and man is sinful. They can know that God created all of us as individuals. And they can see those truths also come alive as they study psychology and as they study people!

I, for one, am thankful that there are Christians out there who have studied psychology. I have had my life helped and enriched through at least one Christian psychiatrist, and several Christian counselers, both in a professional sense, and just through friendship and them using their training in everyday life.

So, what’s your take on Christian psychology. Is it helpful? Is it just plain wrong? Speak out!

YOU ARE CHAMOMILE

What herb are you?
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