Chewymom

DS15 came into the world when DS16, the one with Down syndrome, was only 18 months old. Once the newborn stage was past and DS15 began looking more toddler-like, people assumed I had twins. And it was very much like having twins! DS15 walked at 14 months, and DS16 learned a mere 4 months later at the age of three. DS15’s speech soon caught up with and surpassed DS16’s. And so for all of both of their lives that they can remember, DS15 has been like the older brother. Although DS16 is very quick to remind everyone that HE is the oldest in the family!

DS15’s name is Ben, and we chose that partially because it means “protector.” That’s a role we thought he would find himself in throughout his life. And sometimes he does. Because he is only one year behind DS16 in school, he is often my eyes and ears out in the world–reporting embarrassing things DS16 does, inappropriate behaviors that need to be addressed. I pictured that DS15 would likely make friends, and he would introduce those friends to his brother and thus help him get to know people.

If you’ve been reading this blog any length of time, you are probably chuckling. DS15 has plenty of friends, but I’m here to tell you that DS16 needs no help whatsoever getting to know people. In fact, he is so outgoing that he has paved the way for DS15 and his other family members (me included) in many situations.

Not only has having an older brother with Down syndrome opened doors to meeting people for DS15, but it has also helped develop his sensitivity. DS15 loves to tease DS16 in the usual brotherly way, but almost always with a measure of restraint. In fact, when the whole family joins in on the silliness, DS15 is often the one to notice when things are getting out of hand and DS16’s feelings are being hurt and has on more than one occasion stepped in to correct even me for going a little too far.

DS15 has learned to appreciate the humor in many of DS16’s antics. Often times, DS15 will tell me some silly story of something DS16 has done, and he ends it shaking his head and saying, “What would life be like without DS16 as a brother,” in the kind of tone that Christopher Robin shakes his head and says, “Silly Old Bear!”

DS15 has developed a comfort level around people with a disability that I never had. He willingly attends a “special needs night” held at a local church one Friday night each month. This church has lots of helpers present, and people with a family member with special needs can bring that person and his siblings–they serve pizza and have music and games and such, and the parents can have a break for a few hours. It is a huge blessing to the families who often struggle to find help, especially as their children become adults and a “babysitter” would just be inappropriate. DS15, even though he is way past the age of needing to be babysat, still attends willingly, knowing he can help out. He has developed relationships with some of the people with special needs and can relate to them comfortably. DS15 is not embarrassed or appalled if an adult with special needs wants to hug him. He has a maturity around those who are different than himself that I never had at that age, because his world of “normal” includes special needs.

I hear the argument that it isn’t fair to other children in the family to bring a child with special needs into the world–often as a way to justify aborting the baby. I’m here to tell you, I would not change a thing about how having a sibling with Down syndrome has affected DS15, or any of my children. It is all part of the fabric that has been woven together to make each of them who they are, and there is not a thread of ugliness in the picture.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 19th, 2007 at 8:51 am and is filed under Down syndrome, Mommy Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.