Chewymom

Part 5 of my series on GFI
For parts 1-4 please see:
How I Got Involved with GFI
Why I Loved GFI
Becoming a Contact Mom for GFI
Red Flags with GFI

I can’t remember what the procedure was for quitting as a Contact Mom. I hate conflict (some of you who knew me on the Ezzo Debate Forum probably don’t believe me, but it’s true), and I really struggled with telling my on-line Ezzo friends. I knew how things went with those as heavily entrenched in GFI as I had become. I would have no further contact with those on-line friends. I dreaded even more the phone call that I suspected would come from Anne Marie. It did come, and I copped out. Rather than telling her all of my concerns, I told her that my family was struggling and I needed to focus my energy on them. It was true; we were struggling. But I never said, “and by the way, I’m highly bothered that your husband won’t take the same action while he works on his OWN family and character.” AM was very kind and encouraged me to just go inactive, which I declined. I had to get all the way out.

I am happy to say that my church at the time (the one with lots of families who had used GFI materials, but who weren’t so “deep” into it) was wonderful. I was not shunned or ignored. I continued to get phone calls from friends who had parenting questions to ask. I still got together with my friends, I still HAD friends, I was able to comfortably worship side by side with those who were still using Ezzo-ish parenting methods, as well as those who took a more “Sears-like” approach.

I kept all of my manuals, all of the Babywise books, and even my contact manual for a long time. I finally, probably 3 years later, got tired of having them on my bedroom bookshelf as a constant reminder. I had not opened them again, and I knew I didn’t want to. I’m big on recycling and donating and all, but I just couldn’t do it. I got a big, black garbage bag and pitched them all inside and walked them out to the garbage can.

Not too long after I quit as a Contact Mom (or maybe it was around the same time) the GFI Forum closed it’s doors. Several other CMs distanced themselves from the Ezzos, and one started a support message board of ladies from the old Forum. It is still a slow-moving, but active forum with a handful of women who are still “gung-ho” about the Ezzos, but mostly women who either became disillusioned or just tired of Ezzo. I pop on there occasionally. Almost all of these women will counsel a new mom NOT to use a schedule. I know there’s also a breastfeeding loop that I believe is managed by another former Contact Mom. She also would no longer be encouraging a schedule for a newborn. Seems many of us former CMs have turned our back on the philosophy we once advocated (or should I say we’ve turned our back on the for-Gary’s-profit business that we once volunteered for!).

I know that GFI materials are still being used, but the passion and zeal seems to have died down. Don’t you think? Or am I just not as aware now that I’m on “the other side?” My family has moved (again…we do that a lot, it seems), and in our new church we know several families who laugh and say, “Oh yes, we used GFI materials for a while!” and go on to tell about how it worked for one child, but not for another. Or how it was a total disaster. Or how it made them horribly prideful. Somehow or another they came to the conclusion that it was a foolish program to follow.

Nobody speaks of their time using the Ezzo’s materials with fondness…”Oh, I remember those precious days of letting my baby CIO!” “Awww, it was so sweet how Johnny would ask for a red cup, and I would make him use a blue one!” I think many of us feel robbed of those warm memories. I can say of my last two (non-Ezzo’d) children, “It was so sweet the way she would snuggle down in my sling…the way I could take her anywhere at any time of day because I could always nurse her discreetly if she fussed.” Or “when he would cry, my dh would get him and put him in our bed where I’d nurse til we both fell asleep. Then I’d wake up with this sweet baby in my arms.” Or even, “When she would throw a two-year-old temper tantrum, I would show compassion over her frustration, and she would calm down and ask me to hold her.” I can’t say that of my first three. It isn’t that I have no fond memories–I do! I just think there were a lot more memories out there to be made, and I chose another path (Ezzo) and passed up some sweet opportunities. But I’ll share more then-and-now comparisons in my next blog…so stay tuned!

To read the history behind this post, please see:
How I Got Involved with GFI
Why I Loved GFI
Becoming a Contact Mom for GFI
Red Flags with GFI

Stay tuned for:
How I parent now

CM

This entry was posted on Friday, August 19th, 2005 at 9:31 am and is filed under GFI/Ezzo/Babywise. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.