Do You Love the Ezzos? Please Follow Their Advice
For a long time now, there has been a website called Ezzo Info, whose goal it is to let people know the real dangers and issues with Gary and Anne Marie’s parenting materials. Recently another website has popped up, run by Ezzo supporters, called Ezzo Truth. Interestingly, it has already had several changes, as the owners of the site attempt to tell the truth. Which can be tricky, since Mr. Ezzo himself is not truthful. But I digress.
One reason I was so drawn to the Ezzo’s materials over 15 years ago, is that they claimed to be able to help parents raise their children in such a way that they would enjoy a lifetime of great relationships with their children. And let’s face it, the teen years and beyond can be intimidating when you have a sweet, innocent baby in your arms and you are keeping up with current news. Parents are hungry for help! I certainly was! At that time, Gary and Anne Marie enjoyed a loving relationship with both of their daughters and their families. That is no longer true.
When I began my withdrawal from the Ezzo’s and their materials, my original intent was to become inactive as a contact mom. My own family was struggling, and I knew that two things were true. First, I could not be pouring my energy into the lives of other families when my own needed attention. And second, I could not set myself as a leader in family and parenting issues when my family was having issues. I knew that we needed to be “above reproach” in our own lives before we could tell others how to have a godly family. And it was with sadness and extreme frustration that I realized that Gary did not share my view. I don’t even know if his family situation with his wife and daughters was struggling at the time, but I know that he personally was proving himself to have some character issues that needed to be dealt with. If I was willing to withdraw and step back for the sake of healing and for the sake of not maligning the name of Christ, why wasn’t he?
Well, he wasn’t. And he still isn’t. And here is a quote from Ezzo Info about the current state of Gary’s family:
Readers have reason to question not only Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo’s believability but also their suitability to teach others about parenting. The Ezzos have not succeeded in their parenting relationships with their own children as measured by their own standards. On Becoming BABYWISE tells parents not to look at “the reasoning or logic of the hypothesis” but to “observe the end results,” and Growing Kids God’s Way says, “The relational goal of our parenting is friendship with our children” (emphases in originals). But the Ezzos have not achieved this goal with their own two daughters.
Sadly, several years ago, both daughters and their husbands cut off contact with the Ezzos, and they remain estranged. Both couples have confirmed this to Ezzo.info. One couple indicated that their decision was based on their personal observation of the same types of character issues raised by others and that it was done only after much prayer, consideration, and counsel.
This situation is a true tragedy, but churches and parents considering the Ezzos’ parenting advice deserve to know that the pattern of broken relationships they have left behind them extends even into their own family.
Please go to Ezzo info for more of the letter, and for more information about the Ezzos.
If you are a gung-ho Ezzo follower and love their wise advice, then take this advice, out of their own mouths. Do not look at “the reasoning or logic of the hypothesis” but “observe the end results.” As Gary himself says in GKGW, remember that “the relational goal of our parenting is friendship with our children. So go find yourself a family who exemplifies that (i.e. not the Ezzos) and ask them what they have done.
April 12th, 2006 at 7:48 am
Very true. And while “ezzo truth” has tried to disprove some of the other “rumors” out there about them, they have totally neglected this very issue. I would love to see how they disprove this one.
April 13th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
I’ve hesitated for a long time to discuss this aspect of things. Partly out of respect for the Ezzos’ daughters. Now that they’ve become more public with the reality of where their relationship is with their father, I feel more comfortable pointing this out.
I don’t expect kids to grow up and be perfect and make all the right decisions. I do expect some bumps along the way, as children become adults, and further integrate what they believe with how they live. Each of us, in our walk with the Lord, go through different lessons–some which are learned easily, and others which are very hard. There are some amazing parents with some messed up kids, and some messed up parents with some amazing kids.
That isn’t the issue you are refering to–just wanted to add that in. . .
At this point, I find it very significant that Gary Ezzo’s children and spouses have distanced themselves from him, and voiced that their concerns are the same as the ones brought up by the elders in the churches in which Ezzo has unresolved church discipline areas. That should, at the least, raise some yellow flags for any mama. . .
April 15th, 2006 at 9:08 pm
One thing it all teaches me is to not jump on ANY bandwagon so quickly. It is so easy to lock into something and think it is “IT.” I did learn some helpful things from the Ezzos, it wasn’t all bad. But there were some things that I always questioned. Thanks for keeping us up to date on this. It is very sad. May we all be open to correction and be teachable in our own lives from others!