Dumb Blond jokes
I have nothing at all against blondes. Two of my ds’s were tow-heads when they were little. But I love blonde jokes. I have many, many blonde friends. (Now, how many are REAL blondes, I’m not even going to guess!) My last year of college, I had two wonderful roomies–R who was mentioned in a previous post, and DB (who was actually my roomie for 3 years). I am posting these in honor of DB. She is a blond, and I love her. She was (and still is) a wonderful, godly, sweet, kind woman. She was my closest college friend! But she could be a little…um…ditsy. So, in honor of “DB,” here are a few of my favorite blond jokes (most of which were sent to me by “R!”).
A Blond in an Emergency
A blonde’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers… Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.
It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the heck is going on here?”
“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.
“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!” asks the cop…
And she said….
“Those are my emergency flashers!”
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A Blond and Her Dogs
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “HalOOOooo,” answered the blond. “They’re watch doggies!”
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Football
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she said, “especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What on earth do you mean?”
“Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!”
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Flying
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”.
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The copilot goes back to the explain that because she only paid for
Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal
and I’m staying right here!”
The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I have
learned to speak ‘blonde.”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without hesitation, she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
“I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.”
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Weight Loss
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
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A Blond’s Commute
Jill came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you
feeling all right?”
“Not really,” Jill replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the
train.”
“Poor dear,” Mom said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across
from you to switch seats for a while?”
“I couldn’t,” replied Jill, “there was no one there.”
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Florida or the Moon
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away Florida or the Moon?”
The other blonde turns and says, “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida…….?????”
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Car Trouble
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “How did you fix it?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
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Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
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River Walk
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.”Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”
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Knitting
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
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Blonde on the Sun
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
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In a Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. On her turn She rolls the dice and lands on the Science & Nature category. Her question is, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
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And in case my computer science major, DB roomie has figured out blogs and is reading this…I love you! 
CM