Some elements of GFI are stupid and and dangerous no matter what–like scheduling a baby. It’s the attitudes more than the actual behaviors of the rest of GFI that are dangerous, though. I’ve seen several families whose kids were raised textbook-Ezzo style, and what struck me as a child was how angry the kids seemed, deep inside, and how little love their parents showed. Everything was a fight. What happened to love?

Certainly, Dads are welcome to comment! My main point is that GFI fosters an inability to make decisions and a lack of confidence. I was speaking somewhat tongue-in-cheek, as obviously that would be quite a broad generalization to say that NO kid raised with GKGW principles can ever play a team sport.

The other issue, of course, is the mentality present in GFI families of paranoia about having their kids around other kids. They might hear something on the bench and corrupt their moral innocence.

GFI families out there can deny this, and I know they probably will, but I was heavily involved in GFI and I know this to be true. I don’t even know if Community Schools still exist (goodness, I hope not), but they were a perfect example of how downright silly the Ezzos and their ilk were about protecting their children from evil unbelieving (and believing-but-non-GFI) children. Unless you live in a very large GFI community, it is quite difficult to only allow your children to be around “like-minded” kids, but also to play on a sports team!

Have our boys ever played in team sports: yes. They played volleyball; I am not sure I would
count that one, however, as it was with a “homeschool” team. Now they HAVE played Team Sabre
where there are 3-4 members of a fencing team (like a 4 man relay team only a sabre team).
Each man fences another player on another team up to 5 points and then they turn the fencing
over to the next player, etc. until one team wins 45 points.

Our guys wish they had a fencing team to fence with, as, obviously, one needs other fencers
to fence with. We do travel out of state and down to Atlanta to fence with a club coached by
the US 2004 Olympic coach. When they are there, yes, they are around other kids their age.
They are around kids all ages there, actually. I think you may be wondering if they have been
on a team like a youth baseball team ages 12-13 or that sort of thing. The answer is no. But
not because we “forbid” them when they were younger or now. Christoher tried out for a
basketball team and made the team. It was a travel team. However, he came to see that his
life would revolve around this team and so would our family life, and he did not want to do
that. Bryan went to Poland this weekend to fence in the Mens Cadet World Championships. There
were 11 young men ages 15-16 on his team. There were 131 fencers in the event, from all over
Eastern Europe. Part of working on a team like this is to learn how to work together, etc. He
was on USA Team II for the team competition, and it was interesting to watch the 3 teams see
how they were different/similar and how they learned to work together. I think our boys have
always felt that the most important thing was to have fun, to learn, and when on a team, no
matter what the age(s) of the participants, to work together. We used to play “broom ball” in
our front yard, as a family, with just the 4 of us. They enjoyed that more than going to a
lot to play “organized” ball…

Barbara

Have your boys ever participated in team sports, where they actually practiced with others their own age?

I ask this because of my observation of the paranoia surrounding GFI families I have known (and once was) about their children being around other kids. I just found it interesting that the sport in which your kids excel is one where they don’t have to be around others their age–except for the “like-minded” kids at the GFI camp.

And thanks for the advice on our kids joining a team, etc. Thankfully, we’re way past our GFI days, and we long ago began team sports, so they are learning excellent skills and sportsmanship.

There are a number of coaches who praise them because they can see our children know how
to think without having to always be “led or directed.” (We have no fencing team or
coach; we drive out of state once a month for time with a team). Our boys are able to mix
in with fencers from all over the country, whether on the dance floor doing hip-hop or
talking about school and cars. Our older son learned how to play paintball when he was 13 at National GFI Leader camp and loved it. They all played hard and worked as teams in a competitive way.

If you feel your children could benefit from being on a soccer team, baseball team, or any
team, go for it. Help them develop initiative if they don’t have it yet. Help them learn
how to meet other kids and how to join in a group playing pick up basketball. Help them
develop a skill like ours boys developed their fencing talents, through videotaping them or
going to a national level camp where they will meet other kids from different kinds of
homes. Competitition is not mean. Keeping your child from competiting in a sport and abiding
by the rules - learning the rules and following them - caring for team mates and coaches -
those are important life skills.

I say this as one of those kids who never won. Ever. At anything. But I still see the value of healthy competition — as opposed to the ugly stuff we’d all rather do without. It never dawned on me that everyone should change the rules so that I could feel like a “winner”. Frankly, I would have found that insulting.

Interesting point you brought up. I’ve already observed a lack of initiative and problem-solving in quite a few GFI kids. They seem to need someone to tell them what to do quite specifically, and seem afraid of making mistakes.

Smocklady, that is the direction we were headed. We worked hard to teach our children to defer to others. We still do to an extent, but not to the extreme. It is a fine line between being thoughtful and considering others before ourselves and just becoming an irrelevant person whose thoughts and feelings never count. I so want to guard against the latter–that must be a very difficult thing to overcome.