Dear Fancy Coffee System,

I love you. I have loved you since the day you were installed. Every morning, I push a button, and out comes my latte made from freshly ground coffee beans. It’s like having a Starbucks in my kitchen!

I have a problem, though. It seems that you wait until I am craving–even dying for my cuppa joe, and then you need to be cleaned. Sometimes it is the milk system that needs cleaning. Sometimes you have simply run out of beans. Often your drawer of coffee grounds is full and must be emptied. And the worst is when you expect me to clean the whole system!

What I can’t figure out is how, in this house with lots of males, you always know that it is me approaching you, lusting after that cup of coffee. You almost never tell the men in the house that you are ready for a cleaning. How do you know it’s me?? And why must it always be my job to clean you? Is it because I am lacking that “certain piece of anatomy?” Have you been reading the Baily Blog??