How to Handle This?
Hey, I have a question for y’all. Most of my blog readers (at least those who come out of lurkdom to comment) are probably in the more conservative Christian camp. My daughter has recently become friends with a little girl who has two mommies. These two ladies are in a committed relationship and have been for ten years. Their daughter is four, and one of the moms is pregnant with twins. I really, really like both of these gals! They’re awesome parents, and just really nice folks.
Here’s my question. Let’s suppose that they began attending an evangelical church. Highly unlikely, I realize, but still–let’s just pretend. How do you handle that as a church? I mean, I know what my own church believes about homosexuality–basically that it’s a sin, but so are lots of things. So often in Christian circles, homosexuality is the “be-all-end-all” sin. The worst of the worst. Which I think is hooey, to put it nicely. It isn’t any different than promiscuity or adultery or any other sexual sin. And really, it isn’t different than lying, drunkenness, or gluttony, for that matter.
Still, how does the evangelical church handle a homosexual couple? Do you say that they cannot join until they end their relationship? Because even if the relationship is “wrong” in the eyes of the church, there are children and a family involved. While it wouldn’t be advocating divorce, for the children it would have the same effect. And these are two people who really love one another and are committed to each other and their child and unborn children. So I’m just wondering. What would you do?
March 29th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I’m not sure how my church would handle it. (maybe they already have and I just don’t know
about it.) I know there are people who live together and aren’t married that attend. I know
there are alcoholics that attend. I know all of us who attend are sinners, so I *think* my
church would handle it like they handle everyone else. “Come as you are, you’ll be loved.”
That’s my church’s motto.
March 30th, 2007 at 7:35 am
I think it depends on the maturity level of the church as a whole, and the individual members. There’s a fine line to be drawn between hating the sin and loving the sinner.
By all means they can attend, but membership, ministry and further involvement would not be possible for *anyone* involved in known sin.
That said, they would be welcomed and shown Christ’s love, and we’d let God do the rest.
March 30th, 2007 at 8:13 am
Jennifer, sounds like a very welcoming church!
Diane, I guess what I’m wondering is how does a church make the decision to split up a family? I guess we live in an age that is so different in that regard (open homosexual unions) that there is no exact blueprint. I think my church would handle it like you said. I’m just stuck on the point of the kids, and this is family to them, so how do they understand a church making their family split up? It isn’t a situation that has happened to my knowledge, I’m just working to figure it all out–how this might play out…if….
March 30th, 2007 at 9:27 am
I think it greatly depends on the church. When we were calling churches before our recent move, I had one tell me on the phone that there would be homosexual couples holding hands in the service and their children would be in the childcare with my children. They said that they didn’t do any kind of “church discipline” on the body. I’ve been to other churches where they wouldn’t be allowed to join. To be fair though, at one church we attended like that, they had the same rule for unmarried heterosexual couples that were living together. They would even arrange for them to live with different families in the congregation until they were married.
I can see the value of both stances. I think church discipline is a good thing, but those outside of the body should not be included. I think that the most important thing is that the church handles it in a way that is consistent no matter what the sin.
March 30th, 2007 at 10:14 am
I’m not so sure the church could make them split up; too much pressure that way and they may simply leave the church. If God brings one or both of the partners to repentance and they split up, we’re left with what is really the aftermath of divorce - no fun for anyone and particularly hard on the kids.
Even when a sin is repented of, God allows us to experience the consequences of the sin. This seems to be an especially difficult case of consequences: the parents are the sinners, but the children will reap some of the consequences.
It’s infernally hard - how do we show Christ’s love and compassion to all people without sliding down the slope towards viewing sin as not a big thing? My confidence is always in God’s plan. If/when a situation comes up, He will show a clear path if you’re willing to ask Him, and follow His lead. You’re already far down His path simply by thinking about it ahead of time.
March 30th, 2007 at 10:20 am
I feel that attending a Church is everybodys right, BUT I am totally against same sex marriage in a church, not against them getting married, to each his own, but NOT in a church..as Homosexuality is a sin. I know there is a fine line..just my opinion.
March 30th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
“Complications” attend every sin. This particular one seems thorny since the children are involved. The scripture is clear that homosexual sex is sin, as is any sex outside of marriage. People can be Christian and have homosexual temptation that they do not succumb to, just as singles can have similar temptations that they must not succumb to. When any sin is clearly public, the church must speak against the sin, while still calling the sinner to repentance. As believers, we are called to continually repent of our own sins, and extend the Grace of God to other sinners as well, while allowing the Word of God to change us all.
March 31st, 2007 at 7:03 am
Thanks all. In the end, I know and understand and even agree with how my own church would almost certainly handle this situation. I guess the difference for me now is that this issue “has a face.” Not that it didn’t before, but now I see it with children involved, and the ramifications of the church requiring what amounts to a divorce. It’s sticky and tricky, and frankly, it is a reason that the evangelical church is unlikely to ever appeal to that group of people. We might be able to work with the homosexuals who are living a promiscuous lifestyle, but once we mess with an established family situation…well, I just don’t think we’re going to appeal to them. And that is sad to me.
March 31st, 2007 at 8:59 pm
These 2 people love each other and their children.
That is all that should matter.
Please try to open your minds a little more!
March 31st, 2007 at 10:53 pm
You know, a church we belonged to several years ago had a couple of Lesbyterians who were regular attendees, but they never joined. They were there every Sunday, but they never asked about joining the church. It was kind of a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation: they knew it was a very conservative church, so they didn’t ask to join. We all knew about their relationship, but no one would have ever dreamed of telling them not to keep coming.
(BTW please do not take offense, anyone, at my use of “Lesbyterian.” It is just my way of identifying them with the denomination to which I belong.)
We also ran into the POSSLQ situation too. They wanted to join: we told them they’d have to make other living arrangements until they got married before we’d let them join. They wrote us a nasty letter in response saying basically, “Nunya!”
April 10th, 2007 at 2:59 am
attending and becoming members are two different things. In my home church, anyone can attend and is welcomed with open arms, provided they are not acting to prohibit God’s word being preached and God’s Spirit from moving. Becoming a member implies that the person is seeking to do God’s will and follow His commands wholeheartedly and not consciously living in sin (whatever the “sin” may be). So no, i don’t think my home church would allow lesbians to become members, just like they wouldn’t allow a habitual bank robber become a member. But they would be welcomed into the church family as sinners just like the rest of us and encouraged to further their daily walk with God in every way.
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am
I have to write a paper for school on how homosexual couples are rejected/accepted in the Church, I read the above comments and some of it confuses me.
I know that some churches allow homosexual couples to join, and some don’t. But the only thing that confuses me is why? Are there different rules for OPLURA Catholic churches? I know that in the above you said it was an Evangelic Church, but shouldn’t the rules be the same everywhere?
I am all for homosexual couples being part of my church and I spoke to my Father about it and he said they all people are welcome in religion, yet the Bishop believes different and I know that we are all entitled to our own opinion but is that opinion allowed to get in the way of who does and does enter the church?
I know I ask a lot of questions but I’m just curious, if anyone could help me that would be great.