I used to have this soft glow image of motherhood, cooing and rocking with my little angel with butterflies and rainbows all around and little birds singing at my window (wait, is that a Disney movie?). Ah, how it all crashes down the minute you step into your home with your new bundle of joy. Get ready mom, the world as you knew it is about implode and you’ll need every ounce of energy to get the household up and running. Why? Because kids suck from age 0 to around 20, or so I hear (I can only testify up to 2).
Let me enlighten you just a bit on how your life and everything you thought you knew about it is not the life you’ll ever see again.
Whether they are newborns or toddlers, per-schoolers or tweens, these guys know how to get what they want when they want it (or at least they tend to think so). And if you are the kind of parent that is driven to raise them right, you know… respectful, humble, kind, etc… you have your work cut out for you. By nature, and mostly at no fault of their own, they are a hot mess of emotions, impatience, and lack communication skills that help defuse a situation instead of igniting it. So let us take a closer look at how kids will selfishly and unknowingly suck the life out of you (as they should).
Reason #1 Kids Suck
The Little Life Suckers are Needy
I don’t mind providing my sweet bundle with anything and everything she needs. You know, love, support, protection, sustenance, sleep, changing her diapers, and of course some fun activities. Unfortunately, since she’s gotten to be a toddler she thinks she needs everything! She needs her toys… ALL of her toys at once. She needs to stir the soup even though it’s scolding hot. She needs to put on her own pants even though she can’t seem to get the concept that there are two pant legs. She needs to wash her own hair, so what if she is only washing one square inch of her left temple. She needs to ride the toy train at the mall, get on the carousel, eat some ice cream, play at the playground, and check out the latest toys at Lego and Smart Toys all in an hours worth of time.You get the idea. She needs and needs and needs… and heaven help you if you don’t comply.
Oh. My. @*^$!!! All this “myself” or as Bossy says, “Sama” (myself in Russian) leaves me (and my nerves) shot by the end of the day. It helps that I’ve surrendered my life over to her and don’t expect any time for myself (oh, this single mom life) so I don’t get too upset when getting her dressed takes 45 minutes. But good gravy! COME ON!!!
Okay, It’s Not All Bad
All of this neediness opened my eyes not only to her but also to myself. Serving her and waiting on her allows me to work on my own patience and reflection. Amazingly, it also allows me to slow down and just watch her learn right in front of my eyes and explore the world one backward sock at a time. Her needs allow me to get to know her deeply giving me an inside look to exactly what she needs and wants. Her needing me gives me the opportunity to teach her to be more independent while remaining at her beck and call to provide assistance when she needs it. What a wonderful lesson in trust. What and fabulous way to bond.
Reason #2 Kids Suck
The Little Life Suckers are Whiny
If a want goes unanswered you’ll undoubtfully hear about it. You’ll hear about it a few thousand times in all sorts of volumes and temperaments and languages you have no way of comprehending (toddler talk). The whine is sure to work itself up into a full blown hysteria if you are lucky. Yes, lucky. Because hysteria shuts down pretty quickly (typically 2-5 minutes) once it starts while a whine can last all. day. long.
Kids also have a knack for finding something to whine about even in the seemingly perfect scenario. Advice? It’s better that you just expect it and be ready to deal. How you deal with it is really up to you in what works for your family. There is as much advice on the topic out there as there are kids whining their way to some desired outcome at this very moment — that’s a lot of advice! So, how you deal with it is hopefully working for you in cutting the whining down.
Our methods of treating whining is my telling her that I do not understand her when she is talking in a whining manner and reassure her that I am ready and willing to help just as soon as she tells me what it is that she is seeking from me. If her request is acceptable we work toward making it happen. This could be a toy or book or the like. If, however, what she is whining about is unattainable at the moment (like ice cream before dinner), we talk about how and when we can get to that space. Lastly, redirection works wonders.
It’s Not All Bad
Whining gives us the opportunity to explore what makes our kids tick, what makes them different, what makes them want what they want when they want it. It’s a great little window into your little one’s personality.
I saw a compassionate little girl worried about her stuffed horse when I heard her go on and on about what I didn’t know at the time. For the third time, as I kneeled down and said, “I’d love to help you but you have to let me know what you need using your words” to which she responded with an attempt to start to wail, again. I repeated my statement and took her by the hand and told her to physically show me what it is she cannot explain to me. She led me to the bathroom where her stuffed horse lay in the tub (where she deposits a lot of the household items) and said, “howse o’no!” (horse oh no!).
Of course, it’s not always so easy or cut and dry(ish). And sometimes she just whines to whine in which case I follow the same routine making sure she knows that I am there to listen to her and help as soon as she stops whining and starts talking to me. We may not always agree but we come to an understanding and an agreement. For example, when she’s whining about not getting ice cream while strolling through the mall, we got a chance to talk about what we’ll have for dinner as well as what desserts await us if we make it through our trip in a composed and pulled together manner… in so many words. And, of course, sometimes… there is just no pleasing your tot. And that’s okay.
And, of course, sometimes… there is just no pleasing your tot. And that’s okay.
Reason #3 Kids Suck
The Little Life Suckers are Messy
Every time I turn around there is another little pile of a mess somewhere. A little pile here, a little pile there and a bit more over yonder aaaaand the house looks like it’s been robbed. Laundry is nearly impossible to do during her waking hours. I put it in, she takes it out and sprinkles it all around. The dishes seem to pile up until the end of the day (sometimes overnight when I can’t see straight at the end of the day). The shoes are a jumbled mess in the hallway. The toilet has a rubber whale “swimming” in it. Everywhere you look it’s not a house it once was.
It’s Not All Bad
I should probably just embrace it because I have a feeling that even if I had 8 more arms, the job would not get any easier. So don’t let it beat you, just accept it. Clean when you can. And don’t stress it. You know why? Because the second you don’t let it get to you, you’ll see a little version of you growing up in front of your eyes. And isn’t that the important thing? Not the socks you pulled out of the dryer because the laundry never gets put away and dishes that get used right out of the dishwasher as needed. Because in just a few years, they will fly away from your nest and you’ll be left alone, in your cleanliness and who needs that?
Reason #4 Kids Suck
The Life Suckers are Loud
Good grief, no truer statement had been uttered. Bossy has a pitch that literally tickles your ears. Our pediatrician had decided to skip our 2.5 years check up because she had come dangerously close to shattering all of the windows in her office with her scream. Or at least that’s my speculation. Go figure, a pediatrician who my little brother used to go to almost 25 years prior, said Bossy’s the loudest she’s ever heard. That’s talent!
Not only are they loud, they never (EVER) shut up! This applies to wee ones as little as two. Just because they know a few dozen words, doesn’t mean she’s not going to use those (and heavily made up) words and babble for hours on end. And it’s oh-so-cute when it first start because we can’t wait for that milestone as parents, right ladies?
Oh man, how I wish I had cherished those moments of quiet. I was warned I’d get no sleep. I was told I’d have to deal with meltdowns. But this neverending chatter? Mama! Ma! Mommy! Look! What’s that? Man? Lady? My foot? Mama! What’s that? Ma! Bird. Bird! BIRD!! MAMA BIRD!!!! ALL DAY!!! Lord help me! Sometimes I wish she’d just shut up. If only for a minute. I am kidding, of course, kind of. I love her more than life itself and hearing her sweet little voice, especially if it’s not wailing or screeching, but this introverted single mom salivates in dreams of a quiet space and a good book.
I, ummm…. I hear it gets worse?
Reason #5 Kids Suck
The Little Life Suckers are Inappropriate
Whether it’s picking their nose or butt, spitting, farting on purpose, barking as loud as one can or something else absolutely inappropriate that only kids generally find socially acceptable they’ll do it at the worst moments ever. Like when you are sitting down at a great little bistro or visiting the library for story time. And they find this quite hysterical even you are ready to climb into the darkest corner possible and die of shame. Although, there are times that I am cracking up too, on the inside.
It’s Not All Bad
As inappropriate as this kid can be she shows em the freedom she has and it’s invigorating that she is not yet carved by society it’s acceptabilities and its demands. I secretly love watching her be completely herself without any thought about what others think about her. This time of not worrying about other opinions of yourself is so short lived that I say, show her the way but don’t make her feel like less of a person because of it. I try to remember that she exploring the world and her body alike. So, I give a really good go of allowing her to do what she will while letting her in on why people look at her like, “Ugh”.
Reason #6 Kids Suck
The Little Life Suckers are Sneaky
This might be on a case by case basis and if you don’t have this issue, bless you, but kids can be sneaky, like WOA! I know that Bossy started having that look in her eye… you know the one… at around 18 months. Yep, she was sneaky before she could even walk. This stinker tuned in on the TV remote I hid under the couch pillow across the room and she’d scoot on her butt, slowly, deliberately biding her time so as to not tip me off to her plan. I couldn’t believe how determined she was and how dedicated this little human with what I thought was the attention span of a goldfish. Oh, mom, you know nothing.
With the months progressed, her sneakiness only became more pronounced and skilled. Sometimes I am lucky enough to catch that up-to-no-good look before she puts her plan into action but most of the time I end up with a missing phone, car keys, or her sitting in the pantry stuffing her face full of crackers and raisins before dinner. Ah, how I wish her thoughts would be posted on a jumbotron so I had some kind of shot of intercepting the little trouble maker while I am tending to my motherly duties.
It’s Not All Bad
But it’s fun to watch. I love to see her little brain at work. Making plans, bringing them to fruition. There is so much going on in that head of hers and it’s a mesmerizing show. There is even an appreciation of sorts in her determination of getting her way. We might have a heck of a time bringing up Bossy, but I know this: she won’t let anyone steamroll over her. And that thought makes my motherly nerves settle just a little with a “Whew!” Just a little.
Reason #7 Kids Suck:
The Little Life Suckers are Bossy
Not all of them. But, you can rest assured that Bossy had earned her name. Every letter of it. She is demanding. And she is fully aware of what she wants. Further, she’s not shy, in the least, about telling you when and exactly how she wants it. A calm and collected, “No, no, no” is an answer I’ve become very familiar with when she decides that my plan of action does not coincide with what she has cooked up in her head. Bossy likes to point out when I had brought the wrong toy to read a story with or when she is going to take her pants off. She is not shy about telling me to build her a block city so that she can shoo me away while she goes all baby Godzilla on it. She is Boss. And I am okay with that as long as she doesn’t know it. Because mom, this kid is in control and you don’t have to worry about the world swallowing her up. Well, maybe not as much.
It’s Not All Bad
A calm and collected, “No, no, no” is an answer I’ve become very familiar with when she decides that my plan of action does not coincide with what she has cooked up in her head. Bossy likes to point out when I had brought the wrong toy to read a story with or when she is going to take her pants off. She is not shy about telling me to build her a block city so that she can shoo me away while she goes all baby Godzilla on it. She is Boss. And I am okay with that as long as she doesn’t know it. Because mom, this kid is in control and you don’t have to worry about the world swallowing her up. Well, maybe not as much. Until then… best of luck to me, huh?
In conclusion, Kids Suck But Not Really
Having a kid hardly sucks. Of course, there are those moments of Can I Just Pee Alone (awesome book by the way) but all in all it’s an awfully fun ride! They are crazy amusing, wicked smart, and make your life totally worth living. Kids have an incredible ability to really suck and yet be the best darn thing that ever happen to us.
They may suck the life out of you that you knew before you were a mom, but they will breathe a whole new life, a grand novel experience full of momentous events, vastly expanded knowledge, and profound bonds.
Life of a mom isn’t always easy… sometimes it makes you want to run for the hills. But it’s not all bad, now is it? If we (looking in the mirror) remember to look through the seemingly crazy, infuriating, and annoying moments and rather look for the lessons, for clues, and for chances to bond, it will become more peaceful, zen, and enjoyable family nest.
Until next time my mamas,
Together, they explore the topics of gentle parenting, healthy eating, grateful thinking, yoga bending, nifty hacking, green living, soul searching, and mindfulness practicing.
She has lived many lives. She has seen great beauty and utter darkness. It makes her whole. She is strong and with your presence, support, and love right here, right now ever stronger!!!
Read more about her by visiting the Meet the Bee page or email her right now!
We hope you enjoy the adventures of Chewy & Bossy!