Moms need to make friends with other moms. They really are nothing like your friends who are moms. It’s really more important than I ever thought. Sometimes, moms feel like they lose their identity because our lives change so drastically with our first-born. We literally become a different being overnight. That being is going to need friends. Not friends to replace the ones you already have, but to enhance the new and better you. This notion didn’t set in until her second birthday and all but one adorable infant was in attendance. And though she had a total blast, I couldn’t help but feel a little bad. My New Year (her birthday is my new year now … it’s when my new life started — as a mom) resolution was to make friends with other moms if it killed me!
This notion didn’t set in until her second birthday and all but one adorable infant was in attendance. And though she had a total blast, I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for her. My New Years (her birthday is my New Year now … it’s when my new life started — as a mom) resolution was to make friends with other moms if it killed me!
Becoming a mom is like moving to a different yet identical planet where everything is the same except — me. The rules that you’ve abided by all of your life no longer exist or have been altered beyond recognition. My body — quite different now. My schedule is unrecognizable (getting up at 6am every day is not my idea of fun). And, interestingly enough my relationships took three distinct directions: evolved, grew distant, ended.
Being an introverted single mom making mommy friends seems like an alien idea to me altogether. I come from a world of few but amazing friends, quiet moments with a cup of tea and a good book, or long drives by myself or with a very deserving person and enchanting music. Talking is not a requirement during these activities. I am the type of girl who is happy to be alone with someone (the introverts know what that means)…
When Bossy joined my world, I knew very early on that she is not at all like mommy. She’s talkative, outgoing, and loves huge groups of people especially if they are dancing. I realized shortly after that I am going to have to make some changes in my life to benefit her. One of those changes would be quite new for me and therefore positively uncomfortable: to find ways to make friends with other moms and not look like a creep doing so.
I was an awkward friend maker when I was little. I hardly doubt that I’ve gotten any better at it with age. My attempt at this started out at the local park while pushing the stroller early one morning. So many moms out there, just pick one, right? I got to chatting with a mom of twins after pointing out her awesome stroller and, of course, her double cuteness within. We chatted and even strolled along a while. As her mother walked up to greet her, I suggested we exchange numbers and perhaps meet for a play date in the near future. She seemed excited at the opportunity so I sounded off my phone number as she typed into her phone. “Awesome job, Bee!”, I praised myself in my head. But the celebration was short-lived. To date, she has not reached out. Nor has the waitress or playground mom that I braved up and talked with in an attempt to try to make a connection last summer.
I am not jaded, however. Instead of being sore about it, I decided to figure out a way, without being a total weirdo about it, how to make friends with other moms, for my girl’s sake. Gosh, this is almost as nerve-wracking as dating… only somehow more so… But, who knows, you just might walk away with something beautiful.
How to Make Friends with Other Moms w/o Being a Total Weirdo About It
Get Out There
I know after reading my experience this sounds to be a little contradictive. But where would we be if we gave up so easily? So, leave the feelings a the door. The first thing you want to do is find some playmates for your little one. So think positive and don’t over analyze it.
To Start: Visit Places Frequented by Moms
- Library story time
- Splash parks
- Your gym
- Your baby gym
- Baby yoga classes
- Parent-baby classes
- Indoor play areas (like the one at your local mall)
- Ice cream parlors
- Yoga, music, or swimming classes
- Local church or synagogue
- Local parent clubs and organizations
Be Friendly, Not Fake
People smell a fake a mile away. I’ve learned long ago, if you have nothing to say, don’t say it at all. So the following tips are best done with… well, genuine intentions.
Conversation Spark Option 1: Compliment
Complimenting a mom is probably one of the best ways to go about starting a conversation with a stranger. I always find something cool or interesting about people, especially moms (probably because we have something in common 😉 ). There’s great mom gear out there that you’ve never seen. So, when you’re observing something that makes you take a double look, compliment that thing, be it a diaper bag, stroller, jogging gear, lunch pails, toys, or how lovely her kids are. The possibilities are endless. Here’s a quick read by AlphaMom on Making Mom Friends.
Conversation Spark Option 2: Inquire
Asking questions is also a great way to get a conversation going. My park buddy, you know who you are, and I met at … well, the park and have been on 3 mommy dates. She’s a wonderfully busy gal with an interesting life and an adorable almost 3-year-old. The question that started it all was, “Your sneakers are so unique! Where’d you get them?”
Bring Mommy Bait to the Park, for Real
Well, doesn’t that sound weird? But seriously, it works. Bringing the much sought out items like bubbles or balls can result in a total kiddo swarm and a great way to spark up a conversation with their parents. Not only that, but you’ll be totally making the kids day! Your kids and everyone else’s!!! Can you say, “Win-win supermom?”
Here are some great ideas for take-alongs to the playground or park:
- Toy Trucks
- Sand Toys
- Toss and Catch Games
- Sidewalk chalk
Enough with the Kids, Really
We’re moms 24/7, 365. Everyone in the world knows that we are absolutely ga-ga for our young but there is a line. At least for me. I’d love to chat about the nap routine and healthy snack choices but once in a while, let’s talk about a good restaurant we went to where we drank an even better bottle of wine. I find a lot of mommies out there are great photographers on the side and photography is one of those topics I love to gab about. Recipes, day trips, dreams, aspirations, troubles,worries. Bring it on! How about we discuss this hot mess of a presidential campaign of ours? Okay, maybe not that last one, but I am sure you gals are picking up what I am putting down. Getting to know each other as people definitely helps in getting to know someone genuinely. And that’s the type of friends we want for ourselves and our kids alike, isn’t it?
Join a Group (or Start One)
Go Where the Mamas Are… Go Online
It’s 2016 and it’s only fitting that finding mom friends would feel a lot like dating. So why shouldn’t you be able to find that special mommy friend online? There are plenty of places to start. You can utilize Google search for local mommy groups in your area or make your own on a social media site like facebook. How to create a community on facebook.
Join Mom Organizations & Communities
Forget Online, Meet the Old Fashioned Way — Locally
Obviously, this is the place for All Things Mom. They are like you, they are looking for what you’re looking for: playdates, friends, advice, a shoulder to cry on. A lot of these mom organizations have local chapters throughout the US where you can take your mom meet offline and get together for a cup of coffee.
Here are a few links. Check them out. Get well acquainted with the organizations listed. Pick the best one for you and your kiddo. Now, get out there and make friends with other moms:
Tech Savvy Ladies Use the App World to Meet New Mama Friends Face-to-Face
I’ve wondered this for a long time: why isn’t there a mommy friend making app out there. Well, guess what? There is! They are sort of a new thing these days but if Tinder can bring together two people with a specific thing on their mind, why can’t it bring moms together for their specific thing?
Make Mommy Friends Right from Your Phone
Almost 5 apps here for you mamas…
- MomCo (free)
2. Hello Mamas (free)
3. Speed Dating for Mom Friends (not exactly an app, that’s where the almost five comes from) $25 per admission which includes a drink and snacks.
4. Smile Mom (free)
5. HeyVINA (free)
Don’t Forget About Parenting Sites
Well known parenting sites out there have a great way to connect moms looking for similar friends. Many of them have regional boards where moms can make friends with other moms a snap!
Check out the Giants of Parenting Social Networks First:
Here are Some More Parenting Social Networks:
Tips on Making Mommy Friends Online and Offline
Meeting mommies is really not that different than meeting any other stranger. People have motives and agendas. Make sure you do your homework and rely on your mommy instincts.
- Have the “dates” full name and any other personal information you can gather.
- Tell your friends and family about the meeting.
- Always meet in a public place. There’s safety in numbers.
- Look for someone with kids whose ages are similar to yours.
- Specify your interests and lifestyle key points if you’re able. Think about things like parenting styles, nutritional stance, family values, spiritual faith. This is not a life partner. You can choose to pick someone very similar to yourself or venture into the world of someone who is a bit different than you.
- Make sure you have similar schedules. Working moms and SAHM’s will probably have different schedules as will a mom who has one kid versus three, or one whose kiddo is 6 months old vs. 6 years old.
- If your “date” was a hit, follow up!!! Email, text, call. Whatever means of communication you decide on, for the love of G-d, reach out and tell her you had a great time and that you should do it again! This is how friends are kept!
With the above tips, I found much luck on my venture to make friends with other moms. My little ones circle of friends is expanding and at the end of the day, that’s all I really wanted. And hey, I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t love to pick up the phone and call on a mommy pal to join me for that much-needed 3pm cup of coffee.
Your Turn to Buzz In…
Do you feel the pressure when it comes time to make friends with other moms? Have you found a strategy that works better than others? Do you have anything else to add?
I can’t wait to hear about it all. Sending you all good wishes and love.
Until next time,
Together, they explore the topics of gentle parenting, healthy eating, grateful thinking, yoga bending, nifty hacking, green living, soul searching, and mindfulness practicing.
She has lived many lives. She has seen great beauty and utter darkness. It makes her whole. She is strong and with your presence, support, and love right here, right now ever stronger!!!
Read more about her by visiting the Meet the Bee page or email her right now!
We hope you enjoy the adventures of Chewy & Bossy!