Sit With Me Awhile
Can I be frank for a minute? Chewydad and I are struggling. There are plenty of minor things that are piling up, but really those are so trivial they are almost laughable. We also have some weighty things on our hearts.
Do we still believe theologically what we have believed for almost twenty years of marriage? Does that theology really matter in the grand scheme of things? Are we still reformed? Do we hold to limited atonement? What do we think about women’s issues? Should women be allowed to preach? Teach Sunday school? Serve in any way?
All of these issues make for interesting talk with leaders within our church. Chewydad and I are fairly open people. A trait that makes nice southern people…uncomfortable. People are pulling us aside and wanting to meet with us. Women are sidling up to us after church and expressing concern that we are having trouble. In short, we are making people uncomfortable. They don’t know what to make of us or what to do with us.
And that has me thinking. How do we as Christians handle struggling? What do we do with people who struggle?
Chewydad and I have several friends who are struggling as well. We each have our own issues, and as Chewydad and I have grown deeper and deeper in relationship with these friends, we are learning that sometimes when a friend is struggling, you just can’t fix it! As Southerners, our tendency is to want to fix everything–package it up and tie it with a pretty bow and be done. But it is okay to just be. To just sit. To offer no answers, no nice Bible verses, no admonitions. Just to offer safety. I am learning to do that with my close friends, and they are doing that with me.
I think that verse that says, “Be still and know that I am God,” really sums it up. At the end of the day, I am not losing my faith. I love Jesus more than ever. My passion for Him runs deeper and wider every day, and His love is a salve to my hurting heart. My church friends worry about the theology I question, and they fret because I am having a hard time. They want to fix the problem, or better yet to fix me. And all I want is to be still and know that God is God!
If they want to befriend me, I want them to come and sit with me. Participate in my struggle. Hear me think out loud. Let me air my distress. And then just be still with me. Marvel that I can question, just as David questioned. I can say, “Jesus, this is so hard!” It is not too much for God. I am not fearful, I am not losing my faith, I am not throwing in the towel. So just sit with me through this. Believe with me. Heck, when I am too tired to think, believe for me.
This is what I believe Jesus would do. In fact, it is what he does through my friends who are also struggling and who have learned how to suffer. They wait patiently for the Lord. They sit.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I have never been more convinced of the Doctrines of Grace after these several weeks of deaths & its aftermath in our family. The one sure thing that I have leaned on is God’s providential care of our family through losing my father & father-in-law & delivering the funeral ceremony for my Dad. As to how we as a church body understand each others “struggles” with doctrine & practice - we are in this for the long haul with you guys!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:29 pm
((hugs)) Cling to the word. Cling to the friends who will be still and wait for the Lord with you. Know that you are questioning because you want a deeper relationship with God, a better understanding of who He is and what He has done for you. Theology is our way of trying to make sense of it.
Each and every post of yours that deals with faith simply shines with the love you have for Jesus, your committment to developing a relationship with Him, and to letting Him change you. You often make me think much harder and deeper about things - which is good.
I’ll be praying for you!
February 21st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I am on the edge of my seat waiting to read more. I hope you will feel comfortable posting about your thought processes.
I feel I’m in a similar place. While Reformed Theology has changed my life, in the form of an amazing pastor’s weekend summary of the Sonship Curriculum, and sustained by great churches of grace and confessionalism and other good stuff, I still have plenty of questions that don’t really go away. The women stuff (and some folks in the PCA really make complementarianism look awful), Jesus and Paul, Emergent (no PCA here, and the best church in town, for us at least, has some Emergent leanings), and other stuff, too.
February 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 am
Hey Karen, Myra & I will be listening through your blog from afar. We also are available by phone or e-mail if you ever want to bounce things off or get input. You asked above what we are to do when people are struggling. Through our years of pastoral ministry I’ve been guided with the sage advice from Paul - “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged” and “encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” And with Paul I say “I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the Day of Christ Jesus.” It will a beautiful thing to see what a trophy of grace he makes both of you.
February 22nd, 2008 at 8:50 am
Glenn, Isn’t it amazing how hard times really do help you clarify and cling to your theology? And I’m so glad He has showed up for you and been your source of strength during these times.
Diane, I think you are right on–what I really strongly desire is deeper communion with God! And where I am concerned (or rather, annoyed) is where people tell me it has to look exactly like their faith.
Marcy, Sonship is great, isn’t it? I’m glad you have great churches to draw from and am interested to hear what direction your questions take you!
Brian, Hi, friend! I really wish more Christians were in a comfortable place like you are. That verse is KEY–being confident that He who began a good work will complete it! I am not fearful at all that I am losing my faith–just working out my salvation with fear and trembling in a sense. Making sure I believe what I say I believe. The basic tenants of the faith are not in question, but some of the finer details are. Thanks for being able to get that, Brian.
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Amen. I have had to learn from Paul this optimistic outlook toward fellow professing believers. Once I discovered it I found it all over his epistles. Even in Galatians when they are turning away to another Gospel he continues to call them brothers throughout and even says near the end (NAS Galatians 5:10) “I have confidence in you in the Lord, that you will adopt no other view.” He must have believed the Lord was able to keep & preserve His own. Ya think?
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 am
dear friend, chewymom,
thank you for being that safe place for me, as we struggle together. i’m convinced it is what our Lord wants us to do. thank you for being a friend who doesn’t try to fix me. and for leaving that to Jesus. i love hearing/ reading your thoughts.
love ya1