Submission
A lot is said within conservative Christianity about submission and what that looks like. I had a really interesting picture of submission presented to me the other day.
My friend S was showing me a tattoo she had recently gotten. She went on to say how her husband M really did not want her to get one. She was relaying how she didn’t at first, because she knew that it would always be there, he would see it, and it would be a source of stress and contention for them in their marriage. M’s real issue with tattoos is that it reminds him of a not-so-great period in his past, when he was rebellious and just a different person than he is today.
As S told us, M finally became comfortable with her having a tattoo because he understood her reasons–that she was celebrating motherhood (she just had her second, and last, baby) by getting a motherhood heart tattoo, she was celebrating getting back into shape, and she wanted to put a “normal” face on the art of tattoos. She is a nice, respectable mom, not some rebellious, dark teenager, and she wanted to show that tattoos aren’t all about rebellion and weirdness. She got the tattoo with M’s blessing and approval.
I love the picture of respect that this scenario shows. S, out of love and respect for M, was willing to not get a tattoo because she knew it would bother him. Later, M was willing to accept S having a tattoo because he listened to and understood her reasons.
By the way, M and S have never been involved in a church in their lives. They are not Christians. They are a couple in our neighborhood who are hippie-types–lots of tie dye, not into conventional southern things like dressing up and wearing makeup (her). They met at a camp and got together because of a hook-up. Not exactly a picture of biblical submission, right?
I think that often, Christians get caught up in the semantics and rules and obligations of submission passages, like the one in Ephesians, and we miss the whole picture. We miss the love and respect and joy. As a result, we may do submission, but not happily. We do it because we believe we are commanded to. And yet, here is a picture of a woman practicing what she would never in a million years call submission. To her, it is just a way to show love to her husband.
Compare that picture of submission to the one you find here, at Tim Bayly’s blog. Especially notice the comments, in which Tim and others reveal more and more of their own hearts in regards to the Ephesians passage. Let me just ask you: Which picture do you think reflects God’s desire and design for a marriage??
HT to Rebecca for pointing out Tim’s blog post.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:41 am
WOW. I just read every comment on Tim’s blog. I’m not quite sure what I think, but I have never heard of Egaliwhatever and Compliwhatevers. Sounds like people getting bogged down in a lot of semantics to me. I fully believe in biblical submission and sacrificial love, but as to what it looks like, well, I think it can take a lot of different faces, don’t you?? I love your example of your neighbors and the tattoo. I think it is a beautiful picture of God’s desire and design for marriage, fwiw.
September 14th, 2006 at 2:55 am
WOW indeed. Rebecca’s post as as wonderful as Tim’s post is, uh, er, um. . .
September 14th, 2006 at 4:35 am
[...] What is this blogger thinking? I guess the reasoning goes that since she is a woman and since the Bible says that wives should submit to their husbands, any man can bully around any women, including other men’s wives, er, um. . . If you want the specifics, go to Chewymom and read her post on submission. If you have a strong stomach, go ahead and click on the link she gives at the bottom of her post and read it for yourself. Don’t say you weren’t warned. You can find enough offensive comments on that blog to ruin an entire afternoon. Sadly, the authors are pastors and claim to be teaching the Bible. [...]
September 14th, 2006 at 9:34 am
I saw Tim Bayly’s comments to Corrie on that blog, and about hit the roof, and have been devoting my blog to what has gone on here both on-line, and off-line. Tim falsely accused Corrie of being dishonest, a feminist, not for disagreeing with what his blog entry was about, but because Corrie objected to how Tim was treating an egalitarian commenter. What he was using is a commonly employed method used to shut people up — sidestep what they are saying, paint them out to be the enemy of the cause, and presto, you have won the argument. This happens all to frequently on-line and IRL, and it is very sad, imo.
September 14th, 2006 at 11:17 am
What a great example from your neighbors–and they are not believers???
The other blog–scary!!!
September 14th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
WOW–Chewy, this was an awesome post. I’d read that exchange at Bayly’s earlier and was just…sick by it. That first commetn with the “scenario’s” was SO good and made an uncontestable point (which they then just…bombed…kind of humorously, really)…
September 15th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
As a four year (former member) and frequent visitor to Bayly Blog. My advice to all of you would be to not visit that blog anymore. Because, I guarantee you, if you do, you will find yourselves stewing in anger for most of your days, and I don’t believe anyone wants to do that.
Do yourselves all a favor and stay off that blog. It will be on less burden of anger to carry throughout the day And, you will save yourselves lots of time and energy. You cannot convince, sway, or even expect them to consider another point of view. You might as well be slamming your head against a brick wall, it would be more productive. I pulled my wife out of there after seeing her become spiritually dead and was accused of not being a leader of my family…among other things.
Like the Bible says, “run your own race” and thats exactly what I intend to do for now on.
Kooz
September 15th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Oops…my reference to four member meant I attended one of the Bayly churches for four years.