The Sabbath and the Schedule
I have been asked to do two things this week. Well, actually a whole lot more than that, if you include the requests to “pick me up at x time from school,” “return a video,” “change an orthodontist’s appointment,” and “wipe my bottom.” But these two things I want to talk about seemed unrelated, and yet they became related in my brain.
First, I was asked to lead a Bible study earlier in the week. The lesson was on the fall of mankind, and we were studying how God in the Genesis account, and Jesus during His ministry, both used questions to show men their self-deception and lead them to honesty about their sin, or to lead men to a deeper faith. Two of the many passages I studied and shared with my group involved the Sabbath. One was Luke 14: 1-6, and the other was Luke 13:10-17. The Luke 13 passage says:
10Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. 11And there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. 12When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” 13And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. 14But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, “There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” 15Then the Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? 16And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?” 17As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him.
The Sabbath was something put in place by God. The Israelites were commanded to keep it holy in the Ten Commandments. God took the Sabbath seriously. Unfortunately, the Pharisees came along and elevated it beyond what was intended or necessary. They were legalistic about keeping the Sabbath and came up with all kinds of extra laws. Their intentions were good, I’m sure–at least initially. But as they added more and more details to the Sabbath-keeping law, it became a burden to the people. Jesus came along and broke the Sabbath, at least according to the Pharisaical standards, in order to do that which was better–care for the health and well being of God’s creations, and ultimately show His glory and draw people to Himself.
The second request this week was to look at a particular blog. The friend who asked me to look at it knows me from my “pro-Ezzo” days and has seen me change over the years. The blog in question belongs to Homeschoolmom (HSM), who tells the story of one of her babies as a newborn in her blog from Monday, November 14, 2005, titled “PART THREE: My ‘New Mommy’ Babywise and La Leche Memory.” This mom mentions that at one of her baby’s checkups, the pediatrician labelled her baby as failure to thrive. For those unfamiliar with this diagnosis, it is very, very serious. Kidshealth.org has this to say about FTT:
Most diagnoses of failure to thrive are made in infants and toddlers - in the first few years of life - a crucial period of physical and mental development. After birth, a child’s brain grows as much in the first year as it will grow during the rest of the child’s life. Poor nutrition during this period can have permanent negative effects on a child’s mental development….If the condition progresses, the undernourished child may:
* become disinterested in his or her surroundings
* avoid eye contact
* become irritable
* not reach developmental milestones like sitting up, walking, and talking at the usual age
Based on the potentially dire consequences, I would prefer to have a pediatrician err on the side of caution when it comes to FTT. HSB tells of her distress and how she wondered what to do, as any mom would. She wisely met with someone from La Leche League and found her technical advice to be very helpful. But she chose not to follow the advice to nurse on demand (or to feed when the baby was hungry).
Second, this mom got Babywise help. Not only did HSB not nurse the baby when it was hungry–she followed the advice of someone who told her to actually become more strict with her schedule! Here is what she says, ” I contacted a mom who had used Babywise with her children and she gave me a STRICT routine to follow for a few weeks. She told me to stick to it without deviating until things were established. My baby and I both cried for several days (and nights) but soon everything clicked.” I’m scratching my head here–and also feeling very sad, knowing I would likely have done the same thing. But here you have a baby with FTT, and someone tells you to feed LESS, and you do it? And your baby screams for food, and still you do it?? Can you see why anti-Ezzo types have a problem with the materials? Although during the time I was a Contact Mom, I don’t think ANY of us would have given that advice, had we known it was a FTT situation, there was definitely a trend to be “more Ezzo than Ezzo.” It was like, the more hoops you could jump through, the more strictly you followed their materials, the more respected you were, in certain (Ezzo) circles. And this kind of Ezzo-legalism was never discouraged.
And last, HSB tells what was her ultimate solution to the FTT diagnosis. ” I got recommendations from breastfeeding moms for pediatricians who are supportive of parents’ rights and choices in the care of their children. We found a doctor who looks beyond the growth charts and instead considers my size, my husband’s size, and how well our babies are developing. He does not pressure us to formula feed OR demand feed. Our babies have all been tall and thin and he does not diagnose them “failure to thrive” when they are developing well and gaining at least one pound per month. ” She didn’t like what her ped said, so she found a new one. One who would not think she was a bad mommy for refusing to feed her child who was hungry enough to be dropping off of the growth charts.
Y’all, I hope I don’t sound like I’m attacking or being unkind to a fellow blogger. But I am so, so, so, so concerned that someone would read her blog and think this is a good, normal way to handle such a serious diagnosis. It is not!!! If your child is failing to grow, your first order of business is to GET THAT CHILD GROWING! Forget order! What does that matter when a child’s health and life are at risk?? What is it that makes someone place such importance on having an orderly life that they’ll put their own child at risk of permanent injury?? I don’t know, but this is a huge reason why so many people are admantly opposed to Ezzo. And it’s why I–a controversy-avoiding, way-past-that-baby-stage, former Contact Mom–is willing to blog about something that may be offensive.
And now, let me tie this second part of my blog to the first. In the first situation, you have the Pharisees taking something God said and applying it to the detriment of God’s own creation–his people. Even if those people are sick and hurting, the Pharisees won’t stand for Jesus stepping in and healing them. The legalistic application of the principle is elevated so high that the well-being of a human, made in God’s own image becomes secondary. And in the second situation, you have the Ezzos, and as a result HSB and other moms taking something God said about order in 1 Corinthians 14:40 (”All things should be done decently and in order”) and applying it to the detriment of God’s own creation. (Nevermind that this was said about order during worship services. And even though HSB never did quote this passage, it is foundational for the Ezzos.) Even though a baby is sick and hurting, the Ezzos (and those who follow them) won’t stand for pediatricians stepping in and healing them. The legalistic application of the principle is elevated so high that the well-being of a human, made in God’s own image becomes secondary. And that, my friends, is a big problem.
And so it is with humility, because I’ve been there, done that, that I encourage anybody who is determined to follow Ezzo to please, please place the needs of that baby, made in God’s image, knitted lovingly in the womb, above any principle taught by fallible man.
November 17th, 2005 at 5:50 pm
excellent point made!
November 17th, 2005 at 8:42 pm
BOY–it’s o.k. that I didn’t go to church last Sunday–I just read your sermon!! But you lost me–what in the world are Ezzo and anti-Ezzo’s? No question your views on things have changed (matured)–be careful or someone might accuse you by using the L—— word to describe some of your views. Wouldn’t that be awful??
November 17th, 2005 at 9:43 pm
Great post!! Thank you for having the courage to post about this! Such a sad story!
November 17th, 2005 at 11:33 pm
AMEN! (Sorry, can’t write much ’cause I’m nursing 18m old DS with my other hand!)
November 18th, 2005 at 2:34 pm
Mom, so glad I could preach at you! I have another sermon now posted…”I’ll Pray for You.”
For anyone interested, the Bible study I taught (and practically plagarized on here) was by Sue Cortese. It is called “Under God’s Smile,” and although the title may sound a little bit corny, it is really a wonderful study on getting out from under a performance mentality.
November 26th, 2005 at 12:51 am
I just found your blog and I think you really misunderstand Ezzo’s
point. I have followed this plan and my children thrive and sleep and
so do my husband and I. I don’t think Ezzo himself would have said
not to feed this child on demad at that point. But, if you are feeding
a baby every three hours during the day and whenever it wakes at night,
I have a hard time believing it will fail to thrive. If it did, of
course you feed more often. The idea behind Ezzo’s book is not to be
on an absolute schedule without exception. He does say that there will
be times to change the schedule. Maybe he should me that more explicit
considering all of this, but from my experiece, it has been more than
wonderful to have had this advice. My children are growing, thriving,
and have always been in the 90th percentile or higher while nursing.
November 26th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
Hi Christina,
Thank you for reading this post! Before you assume that I do not understand Ezzo, please read my other GFI posts. I had years of experience as a contact mom and was pretty well-versed in Ezzo materials and even corresponded with Anne Marie personally on several occasions. Some people definitely have success using the materials–I won’t deny that. But I cannot tell you how many families, although successful at getting their baby to quit screaming at night, lose their supply around four months.
For further information, like I said, please read my other blogs. Also, check out http://www.ezzoinfo.org.
November 26th, 2005 at 10:38 pm
Hi! I do appreciate your post as it is a good reminder that most of all you need to read your own baby. I follow the Baby wise plan as far as feeding every three hours and not allowing the baby to sleep more than that during the day. Of course I also did a fair share of comfort feeding when needed. However, I guess what I am saying is that he never says you have to follow this to the “t” without exception. For those who never make an exception, well, they aren’t understanding his position. I also think that many benefit from his schedule and if it weren’t for such a schedule they might not nurse very long. I know that when I first started nursing my first son I did not have a clue and I did on demand nursing and he was up every 2 hours for a few months. I was told tolet him sleep when he wanted and eat when he wanted and I don’t think I would have made it much longer at that rate. I started using babywise and my son was much happier. He didn’t sleep through the night til 6mo. but he was so much more happy during the day when he was on a schedule. All this to say, maybe there needs to be more talk of understanding his position than there is about being “anti-Ezzo.” It really can be a a life saver for those who don’t feel they can keep up the demand of nursing.
Christina
November 27th, 2005 at 11:00 pm
Well, although I do still disagree with you about babywise, I was very interested in your GFI info. I had never heard of this until this past spring at mothers group I went to with a friend. They had a lady who was quite passionate about this series and I thought it sounded really good. I don’t know a whole lot about it, but from what you said it does not sound great. I do think however, that there were some really good ideas mixed in there. I came away with some great ways to discipline and I was made aware of some things I had not thought about. Anyway, I appreciate your posts and I will continue to read. Thanks.
Christina
December 1st, 2005 at 3:45 pm
Hi Chewymom!
I am the mom you quoted above. :o) I think you might have left that pediatrician as well. He was against breastfeeding! My daughter was perfectly healthy, gaining weight, and developing well (as attested to by the next pediatrician we went to). If the second medical opinion I had gotten had told me otherwise I would have done things differently. (surely you are not against getting a second medical opinion on matters of health?) If she had been losing weight or just not gaining I would have done something differently. But what we did was stick to a routine which taught her to sleep through the night and take long naps and after a few days she was a happy, content baby and we were happy parents. My other children are not hungry. Please don’t worry that this mom is starving her children. They are precious, happy, loved, and yes, well-fed. :o) I make sure when I advise other Babywise moms to make sure their children are gaining and growing well. You are welcome to call me or email me if you’d like to chat! I will be happy to talk with you.
The reason I posted my story is to let Christian moms know they don’t have to choose one camp of parenting over another. It is possible to exclusively breastfeed on a (flexible) routine..
Note: My husband is six foot five and 160 pounds. That is EXTREMELY tall and SKINNY. He does not fit into the regular charts for men. It makes sense that our children may not fit into the typical charts either. The daugher mentioned above looks just like him. She is about a foot taller now than all the other five year olds around.
I have had four more children in the past four years. My children’s ages are 5,4,3,2,and 4 months. They are happy, exceptionally healthy kids (praise God!). They all sleep great and eat great. I am not strict about the routine except for the first few weeks trying to get everything established. And even those few weeks I feed on a flexible 2 1/2 - 3 hour schedule throughout the days and usually feed every 2 hours in the late evening. I have friends (whose families range from eight, five, and three children) who exclusively breastfeed and follow (though not legalistically) the methods in Babywise.
Personally, I appreciate your concern against legalistic parenting. Take heed not to make YOUR methods equal to biblical truth. I don’t know much about Ezzos other than their method for sleep training. But I know godly families who take bits of advice and use them to the benefit of their families.
Again, you are welcome to call or email me.
Moms4Psalms
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Moms4Psalms
December 1st, 2005 at 6:15 pm
Hi Mom4Psalms,
Thanks for commenting! I’m glad to hear that the switching of pediatricians was for a second opinion. I would never want a mom to think that a FTT diagnosis was to be taken lightly! I do know, though, that lots of pediatricians are very unsupportive of breastfeeding, which is just goofy considering the health benefits. (Think maybe those formula companies are getting to them???)
If you read the rest of my GFI blogs, you’ll see that the majority of my parenting years so far have been spent using Ezzo materials. Which I regret now. But I have no “methods” that I would think were equal to biblical truth. I do think my methods are biblical, though…as I did when I was using Ezzo. (Of course, watching him be disciplined out of two churches said a lot about HIS view of the Bible….) I would hope that parents who want to parent biblically might consider teachers who teach biblically and who submit to the authority of scripture and to the authority of those God places above them–especially when so much of what they teach has to do with authority!! LOL!
Thanks again for your comments!!
December 2nd, 2005 at 12:19 am
Do we know why he was kisciplined out of two churches and what churches they were? Just curious.
Anyway, I guess I don’t know that much about GFI, but what I can say about all of this is that I am not sure I always agree 100% with most parenting books. I mean there are biblical principles that God has put in the bible, but there is not one direct manual for how to parent. I think that as Chewy mom said, we need to submit to God ubove all these things. However, I don’t know if it is still ok to bash him the way this site seems to do. From the few things I have heard I feel there are some good things that have come from his books. As stated earlier, it would be interesting to know why he was disciplined and from what kind of church. I also am not sure it is all bad that his organization is “for profit.” I am not trying to totally defend him, but I do wish that more Christins would be willing to create good well standing profitable companine.
Okay, sorry to babble. I guess what I am trying to say is, I appreciate some of the information on this site, but I think we need to be careful not to judge these people so much and bash them. I am not sure that is very Christ-like.
December 2nd, 2005 at 3:05 am
Hi Christina,
Could you tell me what you see that you are describing as bashing? Because I do not desire to bash Gary Ezzo. There is TONS of information at http://www.ezzo.info, including a timeline and details of Gary’s excommunications from previous churches. The two churches, John MacArthur’s Grace Community Church, and Living Hope Evangelical Fellowship (a church formed of Ezzo-followers when Gary left GCC) both have issued public statements about Gary. They felt they had to, since he was not submitting to their church authority and since he was continuing his
ministryfor-profit business, selling his materials through other churches and setting himself up as a church leader. My beef about the for-profit isn’t that Gary owns a Christian business. But he took a ministry out from under the umbrella of a church, and that honestly is when teh problems began with his pride and accountability. Also, he retained (and still does retain) volunteer contact moms, and he calls his business a ministry, when in fact it is a business that is for-profit. He set up a side operation to accept tax-free donations and put the contact moms under that umbrella, even though they are really only supporting his business endeavor. It is rather…ummm…shady.I really encourage you to read through EzzoInfo. Also, you might be interested in the comments of Frank York, former GFI employee. His site can be found at Adventures in Ezzoland.
Again, it is not my intent to judge Gary Ezzo, nor am I allowed to judge any man as God does. I do not sit in judgement of his soul and of his salvation. But as a Christian I do have to be discerning. I am supposed to look for fruit measure what a man says and does against scripture. And I think it is important to share the facts of my involvement in GFI with others so they can be warned of the unfortunate dangers inherent in GFI materials. If you have specific concerns or can point out what I have said that is “bashing” (which is such a common argument–I cannot tell you how many people I accused of Ezzo-bashing…well, yes I can. Most of the people I thanked at the end of my GFI series!) then please tell me what I have said so I can correct myself and issue an apology if one is due.
Thanks!
December 2nd, 2005 at 7:05 am
“It is possible to exclusively breastfeed on a (flexible) routine…”
I would like to clarify this statement. It is possible for *some* mothers to exclusively breastfeed *some* babies on a BW inspired eat-wake-sleep routine. However, a mother can not know beforehand if her hormones/milk storage capacity and her child’s needs will be in sync with the BW eat-wake-sleep routine.
I do encourage all mothers who desire to breastfeed read this article that goes into details about the physiology of breastfeeding.
http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/evidence.html
December 2nd, 2005 at 7:09 am
Oh! and CM–the url is http://www.ezzo.info .
The dot-info suffix isn’t very common, so it’s easy to mix up. *grin*
And Christina, here is a series on Ezzo and church discipline that may answer some of your questions.
Evaluating Ezzo’s Leadership: Why Bother?
Evaluating Ezzo’s Leadership: Church Discipline
Evaluating Ezzo’s Leadership, Part 3: Other Concerning Patterns
Hope this helps! *grin*
December 2nd, 2005 at 7:53 am
THANK YOU, TG! I was typing at 3 a.m.ish–and I was too lazy to look it up (even though it is linked in my sidebar!) I corrected it!
December 2nd, 2005 at 10:45 am
Thank you for the links. As your holiday weekend ended in illness, our did to. So, when things calm down around here (if that actually happens) and my kids get well, I will check these out. I will admit I have not read everything about him or his organization, however I guess I felt your post about Wal-mart and Ezzo might fall in the category of bashing. I do think that it is important to get the info out there as many don’t know abut these details. Also, from the looks of some of these links, they look a little one sided “Evaluating Ezzo’s Leadership: Why Bother?”. Now, I have not read it, but it does seem in it’s title to be a bit bashing. However, I will wait to make a final decision till I read it. I do thank you for your information and I really am finding all of this interesting. I hope you don’t feel that I am trying to pick a fight. I think I may be coming across more harsh than I mean. I am just really trying to be open and learn.
Thanks!
December 5th, 2005 at 2:38 pm
Regarding a link that is “one sided”, Ezzo himself is one-sided, which is
his prerogative. He seeks to persuade. It’s our job as readers to evaluate his logic, his facts and his qualifications to speak into our lives on the subject of parenting, morals, and the like. If you are equipped to evaluate Ezzo’s presentation, I think you are equipped to evaluate the presentations at the links provided. God bless you with discernment as you do so.
Hope you and yours are soon on the mend!
December 5th, 2005 at 9:12 pm
Christina,
Hi! You wrote, “Also, from the looks of some of these links, they look a little one sided “Evaluating Ezzo’s Leadership: Why Bother?”. Now, I have not read it, but it does seem in it’s title to be a bit bashing.”
Those three links I posted above are things I’ve written, but quoting extensively from other sources as well. I hope you do take the time to read them. While yes, they are a bit one-sided, I tried to be very even handed.
Grace and peace,