Uh Oh. I’m Thinking Again. And That CAN’T be Good!
Over on Molly’s blog I found an excerpt from an essay written by Mark L. Strauss. And it made me think. The man spoke exactly what has been churning deep within my heart and mind for months now. Read this:
The women’s movement—both in secular society and in the church—did not arise in a vacuum. It arose in contexts where women’s voices were not heard or respected. It arose in churches where gifts and callings were ignored or demeaned. It arose in places where women who were gifted in leadership and teaching were told to sit down, shut up, and defer to their (sometimes much less gifted) male counterparts. We need to address these issues first, before we start telling women what they can and cannot do.
See, that’s the irony. I don’t think it would have ever crossed my mind to wonder if the PCA has gender roles correct if I didn’t feel devalued based on my anatomy.
I used to serve on our WIC (Women in the Church) council. The entire time I was really frustrated. I served in a position I had created–Missions Liaison. My heart was to serve missionaries and to get the women more involved in the support of missionaries. I also served on the Missions Committee. I went to WIC meetings, expecting to work through women’s issues, and I was surprised to learn that in fact, my main job was to help plan a luncheon. We met monthly, working out details like what color dots would be drawn on the paper table clothes to pretty them up, and whether to use balloons or flowers for centerpieces, and who would provide the vases, and what food to have catered. I went home with the assignment to call two pages of women to encourage them to sign up for the luncheon. I helped sell tickets and brought my dishes to compete with the other women set up a table. The frenzied planning went on for several months and finally the luncheon came off as a great success!
I relaxed and anticipated the next WIC meeting when we could get down to business. And get down to business, we did. The business of planning the Valentine’s Banquet. More of the same–decorating tables, calling women, planning the menu, selling tickets. When that was finished, we organized sending care packages to college students, and then we planned a slate of names for the next year for WIC officers and sat back, satisfied with our work for the previous year.
After two years on WIC, I felt completely and utterly useless and drained. I am not a decorator. I despise making sales calls. This was not my game and it did not tap into a single one of my strengths. I rotated off of WIC and was told that my position really wasn’t necessary anyway, so it would be dissolved. I was offended at the time, but the person who told me that was right. We were party planners, and it was not necessary to have a missions person who was party-planning-impaired on the committee.
And as I puzzle over the women in our church, I see a pattern. Women who are strong in areas like party planning, decorating, and working with children are valued. They are given jobs, and they feel satisfied with their church experience. But woe to the woman who has organizational skills and planning abilities. Heaven forbid that a woman be a deep thinker. Or worse yet, have teaching gifts. Those are a man’s job, and women had best not try to work their way into that kind of role. Best to stay on the fringes. Plan parties. Ask light, simple questions and make funny little comments in Sunday school. But don’t think. Don’t ask deep questions. Don’t discuss theology. Don’t try to teach things that you have learned.
Unfortunately there is a whole host of women who think and question. There are women gifted in organizing and leading and teaching. And I think almost every single one of them is at a point of feeling frustrated and insignificant within our church. Many of them have no desire to reconsider the PCA’s view of women. In fact, I’m not even sure if they are making a connection that their struggles may be related to their roles, or lack of roles, as women. They just know they do not feel needed or wanted as part of our body of Christ. And so they shrivel up and die inside. Many move on to other areas of involvement like the PTA or a job outside of the home, or homeschooling their children. They have retreated to the back rows of the church where they can dart out the instant church is over and not have to interact with others. Or worse, they just quit coming at all.
The involvement in other activities is not a bad thing, nor is women using their gifts outside of the local church–in fact that is good. The last thing we need is a church full of navel-gazers who never venture outside of the four walls of their church building. But it also is not a good thing to have an entire people-group within the body feeling so devalued that they can barely stand to walk through the doors, let alone to get their hearts and minds ready to worship the Creator!
Mark Strauss is a complementarian. I am not sure where I fall on the issue–I am still studying. But I do know that the essay written by Mr. Strauss resonated very deeply with me. If you are a man or woman in a church that takes a more Complementarian position on the roles of men and women, I urge you to read the essay and consider whether the church–your church even, is in sin against women. Consider how the prevailing attitude Mark addresses is fueling the fire of a radical women’s movement and agenda within our society. Consider how your church may be keeping society in general–those who may never have heard the gospel–from seeing the real Jesus. And consider how far away so many churches are from the picture Jesus gives us of men and women together being necessary parts of the body. And not just if they know how to decorate. All men and all women have value, and should be free to use the gifts God has given them both within the church and outside of it.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Faithful reader, first-time commenter here. =) I’m doing a lot of the same questioning and studying lately. I’m a seminary graduate, and when I moved back to my home church after graduating, it was like no one even cared, I might as well not have gone. In our couples SS class, other guys were regularly asked to lead/teach when the regular teacher was gone…guys who had NO biblical training. No one even considered asking the ONLY seminarian in the class (me) to lead anything. I know if I would have been a man, I would have had numerous opportunities. It’s like my education counts for nothing in some people’s eyes. Anyway, I’d like to reccomend a book for you to read. It’s not about the complementarian/egalitarian debate and issues, it’s deeper than that and addresses the nature of the feminine soul. Ruby Slippers by Jonalyn Grace Fincher. I knew her in seminary, and it’s seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read on the the nature of what it means to be a woman. I look foward to reading more of your thoughts.
March 6th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Emily, is it safe to assume that the church you were attending held the complementarian interpretation of 1 Timothy 2:12? If so, then why would you decry their acting in concert with their biblical convictions? It shouldn’t occur to them to have you teach a mixed class if they see that as against God’s will.
On the other hand, Karen, you present a great challenge for complementarian view churches, not necessarily to rethink their interpretation of Scripture, but to evaluate how to fully unleash the women of their churches to exercise every gift they have for the edification of the body, evangelization of the world, for the glory of Christ. I think what holds them back are their “traditions” and lack of concern, vision, effort & creativity rather than their biblical view of roles.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
maybe you need to switch to a Presbyterian USA church. Women and Men are equal!
March 6th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I LOVE THIS POST.
*smooch*
March 7th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Having just moved, I’m coming out of a church where my opinion was valued, and I was given actual, real responsibilities…and moving on to who-knows-what. I’m still in a place where I’d leave a situation like the above, rather than staying to be an agent of change. Or maybe if faced with a “men-work and women-cook workday” like was done several years and 2 churches ago, I’d show up with my power tools. I’d like to think so, anyway. =)
Great post.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:27 am
There’s a reason I’ve NEVER gotten involved with any ministry in any of the churches I’ve attended over the years: I hate cooking. I don’t plan parties. I don’t really like to go to baby showers or hold fundraisers. I’d rather peak at what the guys are doing because usually it’s WAY more fun ….. anyway, great post. Love to read your thoughts. Keep on writing!
March 7th, 2008 at 8:55 am
I’m part of the PCUSA denomination, like heater above. Women in ministry isn’t our issue, or that was dealt with years ago. We have other issues. Each denom. has it’s issues that need to be worked through and you need to decide which issues are Biblical essentials and which are cultural baggage. I think Skerrib said it well - if you can’t be a change-agent within your church should you move on?
March 7th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Yes, yes they did. I, however, do not consider that a valid interpretation…and let’s just say the teaching wasn’t so good anyway. So I definitely have a problem sitting in a class under teaching that isn’t that great or well-researched when I know I could’ve done the text a little more justice…but I’m not allowed because I’m the girl. I realize that it was their convictions, however I don’t find those convictions valid according to the text, so I think it’s ok for me to feel slighted.
March 7th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Hi Emily, Thanks for the book recommendation. I need to look into that! I am sure that was hurtful to you to be completely overlooked at your church. Are you still at that church, or have you sought one out that lines up with your theology on women?
Brian,YES! I think all of that holds our church back, along with fear. If they give a little bit, the next thing you know, women will take over the whole church! I don’t know–it’s a weird attitude. Maybe a lot of it is a southern thang. (Something you’ve managed to escape in your adult life!
)
Heater, We do wonder if our denomination is the best fit for us. Scott and I need to be sure of what we believe the Bible is really saying about all of this before we make any drastic move. For now, I’ll just pop off at the mouth.
Rebecca, I think there are so many women like you. It’s not all bad–it leaves more time for the community which is in desperate need of our gifts as well. But it is a shame to have a group of women who feel excluded from serving within the church because their gifts don’t scream “HOMEMAKER!”
Barb, yes–every denomination, every church has some stuff that rubs us wrong. We’re humans in a fallen world. So definitely, we need to evaluate what is stuff we can live with and what is worth parting ways over. For now, we are where we are, and we’re praying for blinders to fall off and eyes to be opened.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
We’re at a different church for different reasons…but mostly with the same people. =) Right now it’s just not a hill to die on for me, but we are moving to a different area of the country this summer(I’m in the South, too! Memphis), and I’d like to find a church that is more open to women teaching/leadership…but it’s not the tippy-top of my list right now. Maybe it will be in the future.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Hi Chewymom,
That is a cute handle. Hope you enjoyed Mother’s Day yesterday
I just came upon your post by following a link from here: http://www.waysidechurch.org/femdeacs/blogs.htm
I have been thinking along similar lines with one key difference. My church does have a woman elder who preaches now and then. Nevertheless, I have the same feelings as you about being devalued and unheard. To me, the “division” appears to fall more along clergy/laity lines. The “big” people in “leadership” don’t listen to nor respect the “little people” when it comes to receiving suggestions which could improve their effectiveness.
Nevertheless, I press on with my church because we have very powerful and wonderful worship. During the worship, the “little people” have a voice and the Holy Spirit is the leader.