Weighing In
I ought to be weighing in on the scale. Although I had lost about 15 pounds over the course of the past year, I know I gained back a ton, thanks to the holidays and my sugar-binges. Actually, if you are interested in topics about weight, stay tuned to Fat Triplets, because I think they are cooking up a little contest. All three want to shed a few pounds, and being that they’re triplets, they’re pretty motivated to compete with one another.
But that is not why I’m weighing in. Disability has been in the news a lot this past week, and since disability is part of my family and therefore my life, I feel like I ought to give my .02. My sweet friend Nicole at All4Gals considers it her privilege and her passion to advocate for those who are disabled. I’m not quite that passionate. Just living life takes all of the energy I have, so my disability awareness is more along the lines of living with my 16-year-old son and treating him like any other member of our family–hoping for the best for him, teaching him our values and our faith, helping him become all that he is designed to be, maximizing his strengths.
This week, however, three things have appeared in the news. The first involves pre-natal testing for Down syndrome. If you did not see the article in your local paper, you can read about it here. First, let me say that I am very troubled at the push for prenatal testing. It is true, before DS16 I probably would not have chosen this life. But I also would not have aborted my baby. And yet, that is what 90% of those who receive Down syndrome as a prenatal diagnosis choose to do. Sadly, Down syndrome is often presented as a terrible thing. It has its challenges–I won’t kid you. But there is a lot more to life than getting straight A’s and becoming a successful money earner. DS16 has taught me that. And more importantly, he has taught that to his brothers and friends. In fact, there are at least two kids I know of in his high school who are volunteering with the special ed group specifically because they know DS16. Because of him, they have realized the value in all of life, and they have learned to be comfortable around those who are differently-abled. One of these is a very handsome, cool 17-year-old guy. If I had been one of the 90%, I would have robbed him of the opportunity to know my son, and possibly of the opportunity to realize this ability within himself to be compassionate and to help those with special needs.
The specific test, by the way, combines a blood test (which is still highly inaccurate) and a nucal translucency scan. Interestingly, I had that scan with DS11 and DD4. With DS11, it showed an increased risk of Down syndrome, so we did further testing. He was and is totally fine, but I guess he just had a “thick neck.” DD4’s scan was normal. And I guess, ultimately I wouldn’t even have a problem with the prenatal testing frenzy if it were for the sake of knowledge. But it is for the sake of perfection, and that is what bothers me. We are in a mad dash to have perfect lives–cars more expensive than we can afford that have luxuries unthought of a decade ago, houses that have immaculate lawns, sprayed with all kinds of chemicals, perfectly tanned, fit bodies, and children who excel at 10 sports and get straight A’s. What is so bad about a little imperfection? (Hint: nothing!)
There were two other articles that got my attention this week. The first is about a twelve-year-old girl (a special education student) who was disciplined for wetting her pants. Give me a BREAK! Now, I have to say, I have had someone tinkle “at me” before. One of my nieces, who shall remain unnamed, got angry with me and tee-tee’d on my sofa when she was two. But people she was TWO and CLEARLY defiant! And frankly, annoyed as I was, it was FUNNY!!! This incident is a 12-year-old who is being accused of doing this in a defiant way. Come ON! What 12-year-old do you know who would choose to wet her pants?? A two-year, maybe. And if this student has the mental ability of a two-year-old (because I know that’s what some people are probably thinking) then she certainly doesn’t need to be punished!! Please go to Nicole’s blog and read more, because she quoted a response that is spot on.
Last, there was an article about some parents who stunted thier daughter’s growth so she didn’t get too big for them to care for her. I have not lived that life, so I want to be careful–it is so easy to pass judgement from the outside. Still, this just doesn’t sound right to me. I have friends who have a severly disabled son who is just a few months older than DS16. When he was very little, his growth was a big concern to them because his mother had a bad back. I am not in close touch with them, so I cannot say for certain that they are managing. But last I heard, their son was not that big, and they had an older son who was a very capable help to him. Anyway, I will let you draw your own conclusions on this one.
Unlike the other two issues where I have told you what to think.